


Scrubs in Love

by lupus



Series: Stucky AUs [4]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Canon-Typical Violence, Complete, Explicit Sexual Content, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Happy Ending, Hospitals, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Mentions of Death, Mutual Pining, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, SHIELD Agents Steve & Bucky, alternating pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-26
Updated: 2016-04-16
Packaged: 2018-04-17 09:18:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 29,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4661166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lupus/pseuds/lupus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All they know is that there's some crazed doctor at a hospital in DC trying to recreate the serum that saved Steve's life ten years ago. Being the only SHIELD Agent, other than Sharon, to have an actual degree in nursing, Steve himself is sent by Director Fury to infiltrate said hospital.<br/>Bucky, as his partner, is supposed to tag along for backup and...cover. "Cover" meaning posing as Steve's husband. Bucky's afraid the whole "pretending to be madly in love with Steve" thing will only end in disaster because...well, he actually <i>is</i> madly in love with Steve.<br/>But Steve could never feel the same way about him, right?</p><p>Cue sharing a bed, being a little too into fake kissing in front of Steve's coworkers, and two dumbasses unknowingly pining for one another.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this happened bc of that text post on tumblr about how fake relationship + mutual pining is a weakness for a lot of us, me included. so here it is.  
> this is a work in progress, unfortunately i don't have an update schedule but pretty much i'll try to update ASAP. 
> 
> **please note!! many scenes will take place in a hospital and i know hospitals squick a lot of people out. i will try to be as non graphic as possible but there will be some scenes to come that could make people uncomfortable. i will warn before any chapter (and put a summary in the end notes of what's to come). and if there's something I didn't warn for that you think I should, please kindly comment and tell me! i will also add any necessary tags as I write, and feel free to suggest tags!  
> stay safe friends! this will be a fun one but I just don't want anyone blindsided :)

            “We’re going to pretend to be married?” Bucky deadpanned. “Of all things? Can’t we just say we’re friends? Or we found each other through craiglist and are random roommates?”

            Bucky had been looking over his mission packet and almost choked when he saw that his “alias” would be James Barnes-Rogers. They’d be infiltrating a hospital, for reasons Fury was not allowed to put on paper, but Bucky didn’t understand why they needed to pretend to be _married_ of all things.

            “A married couple moving in somewhere is always less suspicious. If Steve is going to pose as a travelling nurse, a husband following him to a different city is normal,” Fury explained.

            “Besides,” He continued. ”Traveling RN agencies usually provide their nurses with housing as the most they’re ever in an area is a year or so. Our suspects are already fairly suspicious of Sharon. Throwing Steve in there by himself would only draw more attention from the people we’re trying to catch. Steve being the newly married, gay nurse surprisingly will draw less attention than Sharon did.”

            “And Steve is okay with this?” Bucky asked, still not convinced.

            “Steve understands what needs to be done,” Fury said simply. “Listen you guys are partners and best friends. Steve’s the only one of us, other than Sharon, who actually has a nursing degree. Just lay on some PDA, make it convincing to the neighbors and his coworkers and no one will ever suspect a thing. We’re _this_ close to cracking the case. Steve needs you as backup. But he also needs you for cover.”

            Bucky sighed. He and Fury could both tell he was giving in.

            “Fine,” Bucky said. “I trust you have a reason for everything you do, even if I don’t understand it. When’s our group briefing?”

            “This mission is _very_ need-to-know so we’re trying to keep those who _do_ know to the minimum. Meet outside conference room five in an hour.”

            Bucky spent the time between his chat with Fury and the briefing to go over every inch of the packet on his SHIELD-issued iPad, trying to figure out why the hell everything was so secretive. Well, in all fairness, this was SHIELD, so everything was secretive. But usually every packet had a mission objective or something of the like. The fact that it couldn’t be written made Bucky a little nervous.

            At ten ‘til, not able to wait any longer, he went to wait outside the conference room, approaching to find Steve leaning up against the wall next to the door. Steve looked almost haunted, in a way Bucky rarely saw unless it was _after_ a particularly rough mission. Did Steve know something Bucky didn’t?

            “’Sup, hubby?” Bucky said, startling Steve out of whatever was going on in that big (beautiful) head of his.

            “Hey, Buck,” was Steve’s only reply, lacking the usual fondness and excitement that Steve normally reserved for when they interacted. This threw Bucky off even more. Something was definitely off. Was it the mission itself or was it what it entailed? Was Steve being weird because they’d have to act all fake-married soon? He knew Steve was bi, had known since high school, but was the thought of being married to Bucky that awful?

            Bucky opted for more conversation.

            “So, do you know what this is all about?” He asked Steve, who just clenched his jaw, so Bucky continued. “We’re supposed to be infiltrating a hospital in DC. And I know enough to know it’s the one Erskine still works at. You got any idea why?”

            The door to the conference room opens, a solemn Fury on the other side.

            “We’re about to find out,” is all Steve said.

 

* * *

 

 

           “Rogers will be posing as someone from the same traveling nurse agency as Sharon, seeing as he’s the only one left here actually qualified to be a nurse. Barnes will be his back-up and also his cover, posing as Rogers’ husband,” Coulson said from the front of the conference room.

            “Strike Team Delta will be your SHIELD back up,” Coulson continued. Nat gives Bucky a wink from where she’s sitting next to Steve and Clint nudges him from the next seat over. “When the time comes, when you call for aid, they can be there on Stark’s quinjet in less than forty-five minutes.

            “Stark will of course provide you with tech. We need as much information as possible but there are huge confidentiality issues when it comes to hospitals. Stark’s tech, which Sharon has helped plant around the hospital and Natasha helped hack into the security recording and video systems to plant bugs, will feed back audio and video. Through the help of JARVIS and Stark we’ll be able to sort through what is strictly patient information or personal conversations and what can be used in our investigation.

            “Colonel Rhodes will be our military back up and if you alert us at any time for assistance, he will mobilize men in DC and join Strike Team Delta in coming to your aid at any point. You boys got it.”

            Steve nodded easily, but Bucky still had one major question.

            “So, are you gonna tell us why we’re going in or are we flying blind?”

            Coulson gave Fury a look, Fury nodded and stood, Coulson moved to sit down.

            “Ten years ago, a serum created by Dr. Abraham Erskine healed a very sick boy from an illness that otherwise would have been terminal,” Fury began. Bucky tried to be stealthy in shooting Steve a glance, so the others wouldn’t notice, but Steve refused to meet his eyes.

            “This serum, however, had some unintended side-effects. It made the boy bigger, faster, stronger, and able to heal from anything and everything else. “The details of this procedure, the doctor, patient, everything is so highly classified the list of people who know the details are in the single digits.” At this point, Fury looked at Bucky. Anyone else other than Steve would’ve just assumed it was because he was addressing Bucky’s question, but Bucky knew otherwise. Three of those four people were sitting in that very room.

            “A few months ago, Erskine contacted me from the Stark Memorial Hospital in DC,” Fury continues. “He thinks one – or more – of his colleagues is trying to recreate the same serum for nefarious purposes. He’s found traces of the chemicals and ingredients he’s used and has had multiple hacking attempts on his computer. People are going into this hospital and not coming out, especially when they should be. A lot of these people have no familial ties or are drug addicts, people that whoever is doing this thinks won’t be missed.

            “Whoever is doing this is seriously breaking their Hippocratic oath. Beyond that, if the power of that serum gets into the wrong hands it could be disastrous. After Dr. Erskine realized the potential for, Erskine destroyed all information and records on said serum. Stark Memorial is where we sent Agent Hill and Agent 13 last spring. They’re close but they need backup, so this is where the rest of us come in. Strike Team Brooklyn will be the only ones on site but the rest of you will devote your jobs here or elsewhere to this mission. This is currently top priority at SHIELD. Barnes, Rogers, stay behind. The rest of you are dismissed.”

            Bucky attempted to use the time in which the others were filing out to make eye contact with Steve, but his best friend still would not meet his gaze. Once the door closed behind Coulson’s retreating form, Bucky immediately turned to Fury.

            “They’re torturing people to recreate the serum that saved Steve’s life and you want to send the person who has that serum _running through his blood_ in to stop them? What if they know, what if they find out who it was?” Bucky asked, temper flaring.

            “Everything Rogers went through was anonymous,” Fury replied calmly. “There are no photos, videos, or even records that it was him who went through the procedure. Only before and after test results.”

            Bucky fought the urge to slam his fists on the table. “Yeah? Well what if they find out? They sound like the kind of people who will. You’re basically _giving_ them the serum! One vial of Steve’s blood and – ”

            “Bucky, that’s enough,” Steve interrupted, quiet but firm. “I requested to go in once I found out what was going on.”

            “So you _did_ know something.”

            “I’ll let you two hash this out yourselves,” Fury said, moving to leave. “You will depart no later than 0900 tomorrow morning for DC. The place you’re staying is furnished so all you need to pack is clothes. We expect you’ll be there at least two months, if not more so keep that in mind.”

 

* * *

 

 

            The ride back to Steve’s Brooklyn apartment was quiet.

            Bucky used to live right down the street from Steve but recently sold his place in order to take up Tony’s offer to live on one of the floors in Stark Tower. Tony had given Steve the same offered, but Steve preferred to live in Brooklyn, where they were both born and raised.

            Bucky’s floor wasn’t quite ready and his apartment has sold much faster than he’d expected so he’d been living with Steve for the past two months. Steve had a two bedroom in Dumbo and thanks to their cushy SHIELD salaries; he had no trouble affording it.

            Bucky remembers they’d talked about being roommates in the future when they were kids, but that was before things changed.

            Still, Bucky thought it was probably good that they’d been sharing a space for the past few months. It would make living together in some tiny apartment in DC a little easier.

            Neither of them spoke until they got inside Steve’s and Bucky immediately headed to the kitchen to prep something for dinner. Steve was a shit cook. Amazing baker, terrible cook.

            “Would you quit bangin’ around in there and just start yelling at me already?” Steve said after about ten minutes of Bucky making as much noise as possible in the kitchen.

            Bucky swiveled around to see Steve leaning up against the wall where the kitchen opened up to the rest of the floor. His arms were crossed over his chest and he looked ready to take the offensive.

            “I know what you’re gonna say,” Steve continued when Bucky did nothing else but stare.

            “That you’re an idiot?” Bucky asked. “’Cause, uh, no shit.”

            “Bucky, I gotta do it. If it weren’t for me…” Steve trailed off.

            “This is _not_ your fault, Steve. Don’t you see how dangerous this is? One sample of your blood and they’ve got you _and_ the serum?”

            “It’s much more complicated than that!” Steve countered, coming further into the kitchen. “They need to tap into my bone marrow to actually get any genetic information about the serum from me. They can test my blood all they want and it’ll be fine.”

            “Oh that makes this _so_ much better,” Bucky said sarcastically. “Bone marrow. Fuckin’ bone marrow. I swear to god Steve if at some point during I find you strapped to a table with some psychopath drillin’ into your damn femur I will honestly kick your ass. You really think they won’t do that if they find out?”

            “They won’t find out, Buck. I promise.”

            Bucky deflated. He knew there was no changing Steve’s mind.

            “It’s just…it’s so dangerous Steve,” he finally said. “I don’t like it.”

            “Bucky I know,” Steve came forward to grip his shoulder. “I know. this is probably one of the scariest missions we’ve ever been sent on, especially because it’s so close to home. But we’re a team. We’re the best. As long as it’s you and me going in there together, I know we’re gonna be okay.”

            “If this doctor is comfortable enough to experiment on people, if he finds out that it’s you…” Bucky didn’t want to finish that sentence.

“He won’t,” Steve sounded _so sure_. “But I have to do this. Erskine almost got himself killed trying to bury and destroy the serum. It was only supposed to fix my ailments, not make me into this huge, super fast and strong, quick healing…machine.”

            “You’re not a machine don’t…don’t say that.”

            “You know what I mean, Buck. But Erskine saw what men like these doctors would do with it, because of what it did to me. What I became because of it. I have to…I have to help. Please understand that.”

            “I do buddy, I do,” Bucky said giving him a weak smile.

            “I’m…I’m gonna do this. If I gotta do it alone then I understand that,” Steve said. “I would never ask you to follow me into something like this if you didn’t want to.”

            “You know you don’t gotta go at anything alone. I told you once, before the serum, that I was with you til the end of the line. I still mean it. I’ll always mean it.”

            Steve gave Bucky a grateful smile, then pulled him in for a hug. Bucky couldn’t help but melt into the embrace.

 

* * *

 

 

 

            SHIELD dropped off an inconspicuous four door silver truck for them to drive down to DC. Due to the fact that all they’d need were clothes and personal items, they managed to fit everything either in the backseat or the bed of the truck.

            They spent the four-ish hour drive going over their backstory. They’d use what really was the story of their friendship as the beginning (best friends since childhood, separated by different colleges yada, yada) and then tweak the end.

            Instead of “Steve left his nursing job in Arlington because he got recruited by SHIELD” it was “Steve left his nursing job in Arlington to do research in New York, where he reconnected with Bucky.”

            Instead of “Bucky continued to harbor secret feelings that only seemed to get worse at Steve’s return so he just buried them and never acted on them” it was “Steve and Bucky fell in love as soon as they reconnected and the rest is history.” Natasha had even whipped up some expertly photoshopped wedding photos of their “wedding.” Being best friends meant they already had enough pictures together and of each other (mostly embarrassing) on their phones. With how well they knew each other, inside and out, they really were the best agent partners to pose as newlyweds. And Bucky really wouldn’t have to try very hard to come off as the sickeningly-in-love husband.  

            He didn’t know much about DC but Steve had gone to college in the District and working in Arlington for three years, so he knew the area fairly well. According to Steve they were staying in a very nice part of the city, just a block away from the hospital, so they’d probably be sacrificing that for a pretty small apartment.

            He was right. It was still nice but definitely smaller than Steve’s place in Brooklyn. Then again it would look suspicious for a traveling nurse organization to provide anything extravagant for their employees.

            Bucky was thankful that it was furnished. Between him and Steve, moving furniture wouldn’t have been a big deal but it’s still pretty tiring (especially when you’re on the third floor) and seemed kind of obsolete if they were only staying a few months. Still, watching the flex of Steve’s back muscles while he climbs the stairs with multiple boxes is still pretty nice.

            So, all they really have to unpack is their clothes and personal belongings. Steve puts the pictures of them up, most actual photos of them save for the one Nat doctored – which was actually really good.

            As they put their clothes away in the surprisingly spacious bedroom, neither of them mentioned the king bed.

            They spend the day unpacking their things, comfortable after two months of living together in moving around each other and doing things in silence.

            The cable and Internet had thankfully been set prior to their arrival so after ordering out pizza for dinner they settled on the couch. Steve had made sure set up the Netflix earlier in the day too so it was ready to go by the time they sat down to eat.

            For some reason it was different than being at Steve’s. Maybe it was the fact that the couch was smaller here than at Steve’s, or maybe it was the coziness of the apartment in general, but everything felt so much more…intimate. 

            They turned in early, both exhausted from the day they had. Walking to the bedroom together was weird. They’d slept in the same bed together plenty of times while growing up, and even into high school. But Steve was half his size then.

            And even with a king bed, things were different now. Different since Steve’d left for college and then shown back up in Bucky’s life like he’d never left.

            Steve moved to the right side of the bed – closer to the window, like any intruders would actually come in that way – and fiddled with something in the bedside drawer.

            Bucky went to change into something to sleep in. Normally he’d opt for boxers and no shirt but that seemed a little strange if he was going to be sleeping less than a foot away. He opted for a tank and shorts, changing right there. He and Steve had seen each other pretty much naked at this point, so he didn’t think much of it.

            He went into their ensuite bathroom to brush his teeth before bed, and when he came out Steve had changed into pajamas too.

            He was facing the bed, back rigid, obviously uncomfortable with something.

            “I can take the couch,” Bucky offers and Steve startles, looking over his shoulder at Bucky, obviously confused.

            “If you don’t want to share a bed…”Bucky continues and understanding dawns on Steve’s face.

            “Oh! No, no no,” Steve insisted. “We’ve shared a bed plenty of times in the past. Plus it’s a king. I’m not making you sleep on our couch that’s barely five and a half feet long, ya dumbass.”

            Bucky came around to sit on the left side of the bed, which is when he saw the glint of the two gold rings in Steve’s hand.

            “I guess we should,” Steve cleared his throat and gave Bucky a weak smile. “I guess we should put them on, huh?”

            When he’d been fifteen and dreaming of the day he’d slide a ring onto his left hand given to him by Steve, this was far from what he’d had in mind.

            Bucky really hadn’t had the time to take into account what would go along with pretending to be Steve’s husband, but the gold wedding band felt rather heavy on his finger.

 

* * *

 

            Steve woke up to a pleasant warmth plastered to his front. Sighing in contentment, he pulled the body in front of him in closer, burying his face into a muscled shoulder. It took him a sleep-addled moment to realize three things. One: he was not in New York any more. Two: it was most definitely _Bucky_ he was spooning. Three: he was sporting some serious morning wood right up against Bucky’s ass.

            It was like he’d woken up in some cruel alternate universe where he’d been given everything he’d ever wanted but having it all be a sham. Except it wasn’t an alternate universe, it was his unfortunate reality. He’d really have to get himself together if he was going to continue being fake-married to Bucky without embarrassing himself.

            Exiting the bed as carefully as possible, Steve immediately made his way to the bathroom to take a shower as well as get rid of his little issue. He was just thankful that he woke up before Bucky.

            Sure, things like that had happened throughout middle and high school when they’d had sleepovers, but they’d just blushed about it and laughed it off. Steve wasn’t sure how Bucky would react to awkward morning-boners (honestly it was more of an awkward, prolonged Bucky-boner) now that they were grown men.

            So instead he started the shower, making it good and hot, and took himself in hand, pumping slowly. He got over feeling guilty about jerking off thinking of his best friend way back in high school. As he ran his left hand over his chest, he became very aware of the nearly forgotten ring on his finger. Steve had to cover his mouth to hide the moan that had threatened to slip out.

            Something about the ring made all of it so much more intense and Steve let himself slip into a fantasy of it all being real. He thought about getting to come home to Bucky every night and fucking him in a bed that was _theirs_. Sleepy morning sex, coming home on their lunch break for a nooner.

            He moved his hand up and down his cock faster and faster.

            Holding hands in public. Date nights in Manhattan. Good morning kisses.

            Half immersed in the fantasy, half embarrassed that shit that sappy was working in getting him off, Steve came, muffling his groan into the crook of his elbow.

            After washing up (and collecting as much of his dignity as he could after the events of the past half-hour) Steve dressed quickly and quietly as Bucky continued to sleep.

            He was doing three 11-7 shifts this week instead of the usual twelve hour shifts as his acclimation to the new hospital setting. He’d be in the Emergency Department, which is what he did when he lived in Arlington, and today was his sort of “orientation” day. Steve was glad to have a little bit of sleep in time (by “sleep in”, it was 8:30 a.m.) as the day before had been pretty taxing.

            He headed out into the kitchen to start some coffee and see what SHIELD had already stocked the fridge with before they got there. There was enough to make cheesy scrambled eggs so Steve got to work on that while the coffee brewed.

            Eventually, woken by the smell of food and coffee, Bucky shuffled into the kitchen.

            “Mornin’ angel face,” Steve joked, pouring two cups of coffee.

            Bucky merely flicked him off.

            “I don’t think that’s any way to treat the guy who just poured you a fresh cup of joe.”

            “I take it back, you’re my hero,” Bucky said groggily as he took the mug, still somehow managing to slip some sarcasm into his voice.

            After finishing his first cup, Bucky helped himself to some eggs and another cup of coffee. Bucky either liked it black or frouffy from Starbucks, there was no in between.

            After the second cup he was back amongst the living and headed to the living room to open the nondescript black suitcase SHIELD had sent down with them. Inside were a couple more bags – one definitely filled with guns, the other with Bucky’s surveillance computers – so Bucky took the one with his surveillance tech and started to set it up.

            He chose the large desk in front of the bay window in their living room. It didn’t take long at all. Bucky had three different laptops, each capable of showing either multiple camera views, running audio, or god knows what else Nat’s genius mind set them up to do.

            “God these are so cool,” Bucky said once setup was complete. “You can only get to the surveillance screens if you’re assigned to the case. Nat set it up so that the trackpad reads our fingerprints. I tap the trackpad twice,” Bucky did so, “and it immediately goes into what looks like computer programming software. Honestly. We don’t deserve Natasha.”

            Steve laughed in agreement. It was also very comforting knowing Bucky would have eyes on him if he was going into a potentially dangerous situation.

            Bucky pulled a SHIELD issued iPad with the mission details in it out of the bag too, swiping through before speaking again.

            “So our main suspect is this guy,” Bucky said, bringing up the picture of Dr. Armin Zola. “He’s technically a surgery Doc but Sharon said he occasionally takes an ED shift or two every now and then. Maria is going to make sure if he’s scheduled that either you or Sharon will work that shift.

            “I think they’re trying to get Sharon transferred to surgery as we speak. Either way, our main objective right now is to be eyes and ears. Maria’s going to eventually start separating you and Sharon’s shifts so that if anything happens there’s a greater chance that one of you will be there.”

            Steve nodded at all that, but focused more on the picture. “Zola huh? I wonder if Erskine knows him. He definitely still works there right?”

            “Erskine? Yeah,” Bucky said. “But it’ll probably be better if you act like you don’t already know he works at Stark Memorial. Less suspicious. I think it should be safe to say you know each other, but I’d just be as vague about it as possible.”

            “I did actually intern under him for a while in undergrad so that could be our cover,” Steve suggested.

            “Good idea. Oh, Tony packed you these,” Bucky pulled a few pairs of the regulation blue scrubs out of the SHIELD suitcase. “Now that we’ve got clearance from the Feds as well to do this investigation, there’s a few pairs for Sharon too. They’re equipped with technology to record audio. Like Stark said, it will be filtered through JARVIS first, and only information regarding the case will ever be recorded, per patient privacy and stuff. Also any personal conversations you share with patients or even coworkers will be filtered as well and will only be sent to me if JARVIS picks up anything suspicious.

“These scrubs will keep me updated on your physical condition. If something deviates far beyond normal or conditions of average stress, I will immediately be alerted and shown your location in the hospital immediately.”

            “Do you think that’s a bit much?” Steve joked.

            Bucky’s face grew dark, “Stark obviously agrees with my worries in these psychopaths finding you out. If they do take you, I will know almost immediately.”

            Steve nodded solemnly. As much as he’d like forget about it, he had to admit he knew the risks, and that Bucky and Stark’s fears were not unwarranted.

            “I’m glad you’ll have my back, Buck,” Steve said, gripping his best friend’s shoulder and grabbing a pair of scrubs.

            “Always have, always will,” Bucky replied quietly.

 

* * *

 

            “This is Becky, she’s our Emergency Department manager,” Gretta from HR had met him at the hospital entrance to show him around the hospital and then back to the Emergency Department.

            A small, greying woman rose to meet him and extended a delicate hand. “You must be Steve Barnes-Rogers.”

            “Yes ma’am that’s me,” Steve said, taking her hand to give it a firm handshake.

            “Well, welcome to Stark memorial darlin’. I’ll show you around and introduce you to everyone on staff today,” She said. “After we’re through you’ll sit through orientation with me and then shadow with my Clinical Nurse Leader, Sam for the rest of the week.”

            “That all sounds good to me,” Steve replied.

            “We really appreciate your organization sending you so quickly, we’ve really had a hard time here lately with the number of people coming in. We’re a pretty big hospital but we really can’t deal with the influx we’ve been getting lately. Sharon’s been a lovely asset so far so I’m sure you’ll be just as good.”

            Steve answered with a simple “no problem” but filed that information away for later. As Becky gave him the grand tour of the ED, cataloging which rooms they generally used for what (they tried to keep the rooms directly around the nurses station for critical condition patients, fairly standard things like that) they passed Sharon who was heading to Rm 12 with some more pain meds. She gave them both a friendly wave but was on her way. She and Steve were supposed to know each other, but not _too_ well.

            “The Emergency doctors on staff today are Dr. Cho, Dr. Foster, and Dr. Erskine. Dr. Erskine is actually right here. Dr. Erskine this is –“

            “Steven!” Erskine exclaimed, accent still thick as ever, immediately going to pull Steve in for a hug. “My son it has been so long!” Erskine pulled away and the two men grinned at each other. It really had been quite a while.

            “You know each other?” Becky questioned, amused.

            “Ah, yes. Steve shadowed under me while he was getting his degree from Georgetown. He did a lot of his clinicals under my nurses in his later years of undergrad.”

            “Well it’s good you’ll have more than one familiar face around here then Steve!” Becky said. “I’ll make sure you introduce you to the rest of the Docs later when they’re not so busy.”

            “We should catch up soon Steven,” Erskine said, but the look in his eyes said _there’s a lot we need to talk about._

            Orientation ended up taking the majority of the beginning of Steve’s shift. It was mostly just signing papers and hospital policy as well as HIPAA stuff and more about patient confidentiality and such.

            Once they were through Steve broke for a quick lunch, where he ate in the (state of the art…of course it was, it was Stark’s after all) café with Sharon. Afterwards they walked back to the ED together where Steve was to meet with Sam.

            Steve waited at the nurse’s station, sitting with Sharon while she updated one of her patient’s charts, for Sam to come get him after lunch.

            “Steve Rogers?” an eerily familiar voice asked. Steve looked up to see a very familiar face and smile grinning down at him.

            “No way! Sam Wilson? I’ll be damned,” Steve exclaimed, jumping up so he could make his way around the nurses’ station in order to hug his old friend. “It’s been so long. Almost what, eight years? I haven’t seen you since we did clinicals together at the Veteran’s Hospital. I thought you were going into Pararescue?”

            “I did,” Sam said. “I’m actually about to update some patient charts so come sit with me in the station and we can catch up. It’s pretty quiet around here so we can swing it.”

            Sam came around and sat at a computer, logging in and pulling up the chart system on Epic, the hospital software program.

            “Me and my buddy Riley did a tour together, you remember him?” Sam asked and Steve nodded. “Let’s just say it’s not what it’s cracked up to be. I missed working in a hospital, missed the patient interactions we get here. That and Riley got real hurt at the end of our first tour and I realized I didn’t want to be out there without him.”

            Now that’s something that Steve could understand.

            “Anyway,” Sam continued. “I cam back and did an accelerated masters program while working here and a year after I was done with my masters I was promoted to Clinical Leader so here I am. Oh yeah and uh,” Sam flashed up his left hand, showing off a silver band. “Riley and I kinda got married in the process.”

            “No way!” Steve exclaimed, genuinely happy for his old friend. “That’s awesome. I can totally see that. I never got to know him too well as our rotations never matched up but from what you’d told me, he seems awesome.”

            “Yeah, he’s alright,” Sam said smiling to himself dopily. “It was hard at first when we first got home but he came ‘round. Got married soon after I got my Masters. He works with the VA now, he went back to school and does a lot of counseling over there. It’s good both for him and especially the wounded Veterans that come through cause he understands.”

            “That’s good. I’m happy for you, happy for you both,” Steve said genuinely.

            “Yeah well, what about you?” Sam asked, giving Steve a pointed look. “Looks like someone got himself a husband too.”

            Steve looked down at his own hand and blushed, he’d almost forgotten.

            “Yeah well, I uh worked emergency in Arlington for three years after graduation before I got offered by Stark Industries to do research in New York for a couple of years. I decided to come back into the field about a year ago when I joined the traveling nurse agency. But yeah when I first when back to New York, that’s when, uh I reconnected with my old friend Bucky and we started dating and y’know, the rest is history.”

            “ _Shit_ dude, Bucky? As in the one you’d been pining over since like the seventh grade Bucky?” Sam exclaimed. “Hey now don’t look so surprised you used to talk a lot when we went out to bars with our clinical group, trust me I remember the ‘secretly in love with our best friends and it’s awful’ convo all too well. But hey, looks like it worked out pretty nicely for the two of us, huh?”

            “Yeah,” Steve said, trying to keep the same level of Sam’s enthusiasm in his voice. “Guess it did.”

 

* * *

 

 

            He shadowed Sam for the rest of the day, helping him with anything necessary and occasionally breaking off to do tasks on his own. He meets the rest of the ED team working that shift as well as two of the security guards on that day. Their names are Rumlow and Rollins and Steve immediately gets the gut feeling to keep an eye on both of them. When he gets a moment alone, he whispers as much to himself, hoping the audio will pick it up and it will be sent to the higher ups through Bucky.

            For the last hour of his shift he goes to meet up with Maria (“remember, it’s Ms. Hill in the hospital”) who’s posing as an administrator in order to “talk” about things like “payroll and such.” As he walks into the office, he sees her talking to an older man in a suit.

            “Ah, you must be Steven Barnes-Rogers, our newest temp traveling nurse,” Maria said formally when she saw Steve enter the office. She held out a hand. “I’m Maria Hill.”

            “Nice to meet you Ms. Hill,” Steve said shaking the proffered hand.

            “And this is our CEO, Mr. Alexander Pierce,” Maria said, gesturing to the man in the suit. Steve shook his hand as well.

            “Alright well, it was good as always to see you Mr. Pierce. Steve, if you’ll follow me right here into my office.”

            Steve did as he was told, sitting in the chair across from Maria’s desk as she closed the door.

            “Don’t worry, we’re safe to talk in here,” she said, taking a seat across from him. “I check my office at least once a day to make sure it’s bug free. Found one a couple months ago and let it be until I decided on a way to destroy it while making it look like an accident.”

            “So whoever’s doing this is definitely keeping tabs on the employees here huh?”

            Maria nodded, “whether it be to weed out anyone suspicious or find out information, I’m not sure. Probably both. So, how was your first day?”

            “Nothing too interesting. I know you’re trying to move Sharon closer to our suspect and I definitely think that’s a good idea. The ED manager said they’d had an influx of people, so I’m wondering if whoever is doing this is deliberately sending certain people here so they can…experiment or whatever it is they’re doing on them.”

            Maria paused, “that’s a good point. I’ll run the logistics of the people being emitted, especially to the ED and see if there are correlations or rises in people coming to the ER for being ‘mugged’ or something of the like. Good work, Rogers.”

            “It’s _Barnes-_ Rogers to you now, apparently,” Steve joked. “Oh and by the way. Keep an eye on the guys in security. Specifically Rumlow and Rollins. If someone’s working from the inside, security would be the perfect place to have people on your side.”

            “Thanks for the tip,” Maria said as Steve started to get up. “And Steve? Be careful out there.”

             

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: tags as "rating for later chapters"  
> also me: throws in a quick shower jerk off scene cause why not it's already explicit
> 
> OKAY ANYWAYS, i'm already working on the next chapters but I am at university and do have a lot on my plate so yeah but letting me know you like it and all that fun jazz will definitely be fuel to my writing fire  
> come check me out on [ tumblr](http://ohbarnes.tumblr.com/) and let me know what you think/tell me if there's anything you wanna see in this AU!!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please note the new tag - there is a brief mention of a death in this chapter but it's not specific and not graphic.
> 
> ALSO sorry this chapter took so long, school has gotten insane. I will continue to try to update this fic as possible, but either way I plan on seeing this through until the end so no worries on it being left to rot!

            Steve’s mother died in March of his senior year of high school. Steve himself fell ill early June, right after graduation. On July 4th of that summer, he spent his 18th birthday in a hospital bed in the ICU, hooked up to IVs and a breathing machine. On July 5th, Doctor Abraham Erskine performed his life-saving serum procedure on Steven G. Rogers.

            By August, only Steve, Bucky, Erskine and Director Fury of SHIELD, who’d funded the serum, knew anything about the procedure.

            Steve got a full ride to Georgetown in DC their senior year of high school. He’d also gotten a scholarship offer to NYU as well. But after his mother’s death he was desperate to escape New York and all that it reminded him of her.

            He could pinpoint the rift in he and Bucky’s relationship, and it was after the serum. They tried at first. Skype wasn’t a thing back then but they called and they texted but Steve never visited home. He was uncomfortable in his new body and uncomfortable in his new life and didn’t know how to reconcile who he’d been and who he was now.

            He spent holiday breaks and summers with Erskine, who’d relocated to DC as well, the man became like a second father to him. Bucky went off to MIT where he met and befriended Tony, who got him into SHIELD originally as an engineer. It took some convincing but eventually they talked Bucky into being a field agent. Steve didn’t know about any of the SHIELD stuff until after he’d joined himself. He’d been told by Bucky he got a job at Stark Industries instead. Steve understood of course, what with the whole “classified” thing and all, but still. Bucky knew Steve’s biggest secret, but Steve hadn’t known Bucky’s.

            After three years of working as a nurse in Arlington, Fury approached Steve, asking him to join SHIELD. In the end, it was the promise that he could do something…good with the extras the serum gave him that convinced Steve to switch career paths.

            The look on Bucky’s face when Fury led Steve into SHIELD his first day was mostly amazed shock with a hint of betrayal, but in all fairness Steve was just as shocked to see Bucky.

            No matter how much time had passed, Steve was pretty sure Bucky never forgave him for leaving.

 

* * *

 

            Steve smelled something good cooking the moment he was through the door and almost cried out in relief. Honestly, one of the best things about having Bucky live with him for the past few months had been his friend's cooking.

            “God, that smells delicious, Buck,” Steve said, entering the kitchen. Bucky was sautéing something in a pan, but there was a tall pot with drained noodles cooling on a back burner. He stepped up behind Bucky to try to grab a noodle or two from the pot but before Steve could even get a hand close, Bucky was smacking it away.

            “You’ll burn yourself, dumbass,” Bucky said, but there was no heat behind it. “Go shower and change and then this will be done.”

            Steve did as he was told, trying to ignore the domesticity of it all. When he came back out, freshly showered and in sweats and a tee Bucky was setting two plates on the table.

            “Bucky Barnes, the househusband,” Steve mused. “Never thought I’d see the day.

            “Yeah, yeah, shut up,” Bucky said, but he was blushing a little like he always did when Steve mentioned his cooking skills.

            It was some sort of spinach, sausage, and garlic mix on top of angel hair pasta, Bucky was really into getting recipes off of the internet – especially pinterest, even if he’d never admit it. Steve took one bite and outright moaned.

            “Jesus, Buck this is delicious.”

            Bucky cleared his throat, going even redder. He was really weird about people complimenting him on normal things (i.e. being a good cook) instead of complimenting him on his skills in the field (i.e. his sniping). Still, Steve thought Bucky deserved to be complimented on things in every day life, too.

            “How was work today?” Bucky decided to ask instead.

            “Good,” Steve said, shrugging. “I’m technically still in orientation for the rest of the week so they did a Tuberculosis test, drug screening, all that fun stuff today too.”

            Bucky stiffened and asked tightly, “Any of those tests require blood to be drawn?”

            “Buck, it’s fine. TB doesn’t require a blood culture and the drug test was blood drawn but it goes directly to labs and is then discarded. Besides, I told you – they won’t get anything from my blood, just –”

            “Bone marrow,” Bucky said, “as you’ve mentioned. Still, we should consider looking into if anyone that works in labs seems suspicious and is involved in this. That would be a good place to have a bug, especially if they find promising blood work”

            “I’ll be sure to remember that. I’ll be shadowing other nurses while I get the hang of the hospital. I’ll see if I can get any inside info from them, see if they’ve been noticing what’s going on.  Travel nursing pretty much throws you headfirst into a hospital. When I first started at the hospital in Arlington after undergrad my orientation period was nearly three months. Especially being out of the field so long, it’s weird being put right back in the middle.”

            “…Don’t you lose your nursing license after a certain period of inactivity?” Bucky asked narrowing his eyes. “Is this legal?”

            “Is anything we do legal?” Steve laughed. “But yes, you’re right. However, I’ve been doing one day every other week at Stark’s free clinic, you know that. That’s how I keep my license. And my sanity.”

            “Do you miss it?”

            “Every day,” Steve answered quietly. “I love the work we do for SHIELD though; I love that I can do some good with what Erskine gave to me. But that’s also why I keep my hours up for my licensure. Some day, once I’ve run my course at SHIELD, I’d like to go back. It makes me happy, it always has.”

            “Good…I think, when you’re ready you should,” Bucky cleared his throat. “JARVIS and I didn’t really pick much up today. Zola wasn’t on staff but Maria sent me the schedule and he should be tomorrow. You’re not working tomorrow right?”

            “Nope, my next shift is 7am-7pm Wednesday,” Steve replied.

            “God, I forgot how awful hospital hours are,” Bucky said, shaking his head.

            “Not much worse than SHIELD hours, really,” Steve shrugged. “Plus when you’re on 12hour shifts, you only work three days a week unless you want to pick up more. I think I may pick a fourth up every now and then because it’ll be more useful.”

            Bucky nodded, “yeah, I can already tell I’m gonna be bored outta my skull sitting here day in and day out.”

            “We’ll find a way to break the monotony on the days we’re home together,” Steve said, only realizing once it was out of his mouth how suggestive it sounded.

            Bucky didn’t miss it though, and a shit-eating grin crossed his face.

            “Break the monotony huh, Stevie? You may just be taking this husbands thing a little too seriously,” Bucky was still smirking. Even though Steve knew Bucky was joking it still made him blush a little.

            “You know that’s not what I mean Buck! I meant like…go out and explore. See the Mall and some of the Smithsonians and stuff. I bet you’d love the Air and Space Museum by the way.”

            Bucky lessened his smirk, but he still looked smug that he got to Steve. “I know what you meant, don’t worry. Anyway, is there anyone you think I should be looking out for? Anyone who set you on guard?”

            Steve nodded as he finished off his pasta. “The security guard. Rumlow. Something about him is off, and it would be very smart for anyone trying to get undercover work done to have security on their side.”

            “Ooh, good point,” Bucky said, thinking. “I’d keep an eye on all of security. We should probably consider other doctors and even nurses. I’ll also keep close watch on the Board of Directors, the CEO, CFO, all the supervisors.”

            “That’s a good idea,” Steve affirmed. “Lots of the time Board members have a lot of money. Not all the members, but it’s common for most of them. Zola may be a surgeon, but someone else has to be helping fund this. When Erskine did it, it was SHIELD. There’s no way Zola is acting alone in this.”

 

* * *

 

It goes like this.

            They’d met in Mrs. Turner’s fourth grade class. Steve was much more quiet and reserved than Bucky and while Steve had a friend or two in class, Bucky fit more into the rowdy group of boys than Steve did. Mostly everything about the fourth grade was hazy, except for befriending Steve.

            There was a new seating chart or something and Bucky had complimented something Steve was drawing in his notebook. Steve turned and gave him the biggest, warmest smile and Bucky was firmly in the boy’s clutches from that day on.

            It turned out they lived within walking distance from each other’s homes in Btooklyn and they spent so much time at one another’s houses they quickly became each other’s second family.

            They were inseparable throughout the rest of elementary and middle school. In high school they made other friends, had different activities and interest. But still, at the core it was always _steveandbucky._

            It wasn’t until he was almost sixteen that Bucky realized the fierce protectiveness and affection and just straight up adoration he felt for Steve went on beyond whatever brotherly bond they had.

            He was in love with Steve.

            His mother knew, of that Bucky is sure. She never mentioned it or said anything, but the way she looked at them when Steve and Bucky were together said it all. Things had continued to be great for them through the rest of high school. There had been times where Bucky was almost certain Steve felt the same way, but they never made anything of it.

            So Bucky dated other people, and Steve had a not-so-serious girlfriend for a little bit there. It didn’t bother Bucky, because somewhere in his head there had been a voice telling him that they’d end up together, in the end. He’d banked on college, or even after. Once they were mature enough to be in a relationship that could last. Because Bucky knew deep down, that Steve would be it for him.

            But then Steve’s mom got sick. Sarah spent a lot of time at the hospital, and so Steve spent a lot of time in Bucky’s house, sleeping in Bucky’s bed. Bucky would hold him tight as he sobbed and lashed out, always eventually quieting in Bucky’s arms and falling into an exhausted sleep. This was the one thing Bucky didn’t know how to protect Steve from.

            After Sarah’s death, Steve moved in with the Barnes. He’d gotten a full ride to Georgetown University in DC, which was seriously saying something because GU was a very competitive school. Bucky would be at MIT and had won the Howard Stark Scholarship for Science and Engineering, so his parents would likely be paying a far lower tuition than otherwise.

            Bucky was definitely bummed that he and Steve would be so far away, but was comforted by the fact that he knew they’d keep up over phone calls. Steve was also informed he was more than welcome to come stay with Bucky and his family for all holidays, as well as summers. Bucky was certain they would be seeing plenty of each other over the next four years. Then they would get a place of their own in the city like they had always talked about.

            And then Steve had gotten sick, right before he’d turned eighteen.

            Horribly, life-ending sick. His pernicious anemia flared up along with a case of pneumonia like they’d never seen. The pernicious anemia kept his body from efficiently absorbing the nutrients he needed so not only was he slowly starving to death, he was coughing up blood and his lungs were giving out on him.

            They were the worst weeks of Bucky’s life.

            Then Doctor Erskine had come to them. He’d worked with Steve’s mother a while ago and had heard of Steve’s misfortunes – both the current and all his chronic illnesses. Erskine had asked to talk to Steve alone but both Steve and Bucky had insisted Bucky be in the room as well. Steve had listed Bucky as his next of kin after Sarah died, so Erskine couldn’t quite say no.

            That’s when Erskine had told them of the serum. It was originally designed as a permanent cure for lupus, other life-threatening autoimmune diseases, and even HIV. Erskine had a way to heal Steve, but he wasn’t quite sure what the side effects would be – or even if Steve would live through it. It was a tough conversation for all of them, Bucky beyond stressed and heartbroken at his best friend’s state, Steve barely hanging on to life itself.

            But Erskine had good intentions and Bucky trusted him. He barely knew him, but he trusted him and Bucky knew Steve did too.

            “It’s either this or I die Buck. Even if the procedure kills me, I would’ve died anyway,” Steve had croaked weakly from where he was tucked under the blankets in the ICU. 

            So they decided to go through with it.

            Steve was Med Evacced via helicopter to a hospital in DC and it was years before Bucky saw him again.

            Steve had called the day after the procedure.

            “I’m…I’m perfectly fine Buck,” He’d said. “Actually, I think I’m more than fine. Better than I’ve ever been.”

            Bucky had been happy to hear that, but one thing gave him pause. “And the side effects?”

            There was a long pause on the other end of the line and Bucky began to panic.

            “I can hear you havin’ a heart attack from here Buck,” Steve said huffing out a laugh. It eased the tension in Bucky’s chest. “There are side effects…but good ones I promise. It permanently healed…well everything. No more asthma, no more anemia. I have two good ears now. Perfect vision too.”

            The relief that has flooded through Bucky almost made him lightheaded.

            “But hey, Buck,” Steve had asked, and this time his voice sounded weird. “You can’t tell anything about this procedure, okay? Not about me, or Erskine. There are dangerous people out there who want to get the serum and use it for nefarious purposes. You can’t tell our friends, or even your parents. Do you promise?”

            “Of course…Steve is everything okay? You’re not in danger because of all this are you?”

            “I’ll be fine Buck, I promise,” Steve had said, but it didn’t sound very convincing. “I have to stay here though, until school starts. For observational purposes and stuff. I’ll see you soon though.”

            Steve never came home for any breaks. They talked on the phone a lot for the first few years of school, but Bucky never understood why Steve opted to stay with Erskine for every holiday and summer when Steve knew he had a home with the Barnes.

            Bucky’s family never questioned it too much, and were never upset with Steve for staying in DC. Bucky’s mother told Bucky Steve probably didn’t want to face the memories of his mother. She explained that friends tended to grow apart in college and that it wasn’t anything to worry about. But Bucky knew better. They were steveandbucky. They didn’t grow apart.

            By senior year, he stopped inviting Steve home for the holidays. He was sick of hearing Steve’s excuses and over being turned down.

            Bucky had met Howard Stark’s son himself, Tony, at MIT – there for his 3rd PhD and a little older than Bucky – who offered him a job in Manhattan senior year of college. Bucky accepted happily.

            The job turned out to be an engineer for SHIELD, which within the year somehow turned into Bucky working as an agent for SHIELD.

            Then one day, nearly three and a half years after graduating from college and over seven years after the last time he’d seen Steve, Fury had walked through the doors to the Agent’s Floor of Shield with a 6’2” hunk of blonde muscle trailing behind him.

            “This is your new partner, Steve Rogers,” Fury had said knowingly, because Fury knew everything, of course he’d know this too.

            But even without Fury saying Steve’s name, there’s no way Bucky wouldn’t be able to recognize that kind face and those beautiful eyes on another body.

            As soon as Steve walked into SHIELD, Bucky had felt his world spin on its axis.

 

* * *

 

 

            Okay, so Bucky had to admit, surveillance was boring as hell.

            Anyone who ever romanticized being an agent of any sort didn’t realize that at least seventy-five percent of any mission was just gathering intel and data. Watching people was only interesting for so long. Bucky preferred to be out _doing_. Strategy and intel was more Steve’s speed. Bucky was better at the dirty work.

            Even watching Steve got boring, which was really saying something. It was kind of frustrating not actually being able to hear what Steve was saying to patients or his coworkers, maybe that way it’d be more interesting. But he’d feel weird invading Steve’s privacy like that, as well as random strangers’ privacy as well.

            Sure, he knew a lot of things that weren’t public knowledge. Things about all sorts of leaders and high-profile people but somehow this was different when it was normal people going about their everyday lives.

            It had been three weeks since they’d arrived in DC. They’d arrived the first week of November so everything was progressively getting greyer and colder, but it was less harsh than a New York November so Bucky couldn’t quite complain.

            Sharon had been transferred to surgery and was working a lot with Dr. Zola so Bucky was keeping a steady eye on her as well, especially on the days when Steve wasn’t working at the hospital too.

            He’d made a gut decision to keep an eye on the higher ups and occasionally checking in on Maria as well, just in case. There was a little too much communication between Pierce, the CEO, and Zola. From what Bucky knew of hospitals, and what Steve had explained about the business side hierarchy of them, CEOs focused more on the business of the hospital and the Board of Directors than the actual medical side of the hospital.

            Bucky would have to pass his suspicions onto Fury at his next check-in. He’d already mentioned them to Steve but there wasn’t much Steve could do while actually working so Bucky would have to keep close tabs on Pierce and maybe get Maria to plant some bugs in his office or something.

            So Bucky spent a lot of time doing whatever he could to keep himself entertained while Steve was at work.  He left the surveillance computers and software up, there were occasional bursts of audio like on a police car, though most of it turned out unimportant. The computer recorded the info anyway. He also talked Nat into setting up a system on his phone that would alert him to anything drastic.

            Most day shifts that Steve worked, Bucky texted him around noon asking if he wanted to be brought lunch. Some days he’d bring things in to Steve, others they’d eat together in the hospital café (the food was actually surprisingly good).

            They were very careful to show just enough PDA in front of Steve’s coworkers – a kiss on the cheek, holding hands, the basics – to keep up the charade without being suspicious or overly and inappropriately affectionate.

            Other days, Steve was too busy in the ER to really even break for a real lunch so on those days Bucky always made sure to have a really good dinner ready by the time Steve got home.

            Bucky kept an eye on Steve until as late as he could handle on his night shifts. Listen, he may love Steve but nothing could keep him awake until 7am.

            The strange thing about Steve working as a nurse meant he was really only at work a max of four days a week. Sometimes three. So they ended up spending a _lot_ of quality alone time together. They’d keep an eye on Sharon, as well as Pierce and Zola, but they also watched a lot of Netflix and just kind of…hang out all day.

            Once or so a week, they’d get out of the house for a few hours, go on walks, see the mall and all the landmarks and memorials DC had to offer. Steve was right, Bucky had loved the Air and Space Museum.  

            It was one of those mornings where Bucky had tried to stay awake all night with Steve, but failed. He’d given up somewhere around 4 am, wondering how the hell some nurses did this on a weekly basis, and crawled into bed with his phone by his ear in case there was an update or an emergency.

            A little after half-past seven in the morning, Bucky heard Steve banging around in the kitchen. Steve was often very quiet when he came home in the mornings, rarely even waking Bucky up when he slipped into bed.

            Thinking back on the Steve he knew, on the Steve he’d had to deal with after particularly tough missions, Bucky knew something was seriously up.

            He got out of bed quickly, over being weird about just sleeping in boxers and a tee at this point, and met Steve in the kitchen, arms crossed.

            Steve’s back was to Bucky as he looked aimlessly through the cabinets for who even knows what. Every single muscle in Steve’s body was tense, but when he sensed someone else in the room he spun around. At the sight of Bucky he deflated, but his eyes were still wild.

            “Did I wake you up?” He looked guilty.

            “It’s okay…but are you?” Bucky asked carefully.

            “I’m fine, Buck,” Steve replied curtly.

            “Yeah, don’t bullshit me. I know you’re not,” Bucky said. “What’s up?”

            Steve looked away before swallowing, as if steeling himself for something.

            “We had a kid die on us this morning,” He said slowly, voice heavy. “He was seven. He came in in critical condition and we stabilized him but he got bad again and we couldn’t…couldn’t save him the second time around.”

            Bucky was silent, not quite knowing what to say. So he let Steve talk it out.

            “That’s what I forgot about working emergency. It’s different than a shift at the free clinic. I forgot what it’s like to do every single thing you can do to save someone and still fail. He’s _seven_ , Buck. He had a report due on the First Thanksgiving next week. Emergency burns you out. I got good at not taking it home with me, I guess I’m out of practice.”

            Bucky nodded before an idea came to him. A little crazy maybe. But he knew it would probably work.

            He grabbed Steve’s bicep, leading him to their room.

            “Come with me”

            “Bucky, what – ” Steve started, but Bucky cut him off.

            “Just c’mon.” Bucky dragged him into the bedroom and then manhandled Steve onto the bed.

            “What’re you doing?” Steve asked, but didn’t fight it. He didn’t even fight when Bucky mandhandled him some more so Steve was on his side and Bucky was tucked up behind him, arms wrapped around Steve.

            “You gonna spoon me into feelin’ better or something?” Steve asked but there was no heat behind it. In fact, his voice was rather soft.

            “I know you need to be held sometimes. We used to do this senior year when your ma got sick. And…after. I held you and let you cry when you needed to.”

            Steve didn’t say anything back but he exhaled a shaky breath and settled into Bucky’s embrace.

            “I know we haven’t done this since…since you went off to school but you can ask for this whenever you need it. I mean whenever. Even when we go back. I know sometimes the missions weigh more on you than they do on me. I want…” Bucky cleared his throat.

            “I want you to be comfortable enough to still do this with me in our normal lives. Not just when we’re in this weird alternate life. Okay? Like we used to back before we…back before we got older.”

            Steve was quiet for a moment, before he linked his hand over the one Bucky had on Steve’s chest, “you know the same goes for you right? You can tell me when things are bothering you. I know you do a lot of the dirty work on our missions. I know you get nightmares.”

            Bucky tensed, but Steve just rubbed his thumb over Bucky’s hand.

            “It’s okay, I get them too sometimes. We’ve seen some shit, Buck. I know things have been kind of stunted since I came back, but you should never be afraid to tell me anything. Not even your darkest thought.”

            “Thank, you Stevie,” Bucky croaked out before burying his face into the back of Steve’s neck and holding him even tighter. “End of the line pal, now until always.”

            They both quieted down after that. Steve eventually drifted off, but Bucky allowed himself to stay up a little bit longer and just soak in the feeling.

 

* * *

 

            “I’m having some people from the hospital who don’t have families or that can’t go home for Thanksgiving over to my place for dinner,” Erskine said one day the week before Thanksgiving, as he stopped Steve before leaving for the day. “Come by at 4:30, bring a dish, and bring your husband.”

            He’d left it at that, but there was something about the way Erskine said husband that made Steve feel like he knew about Steve’s feelings for Bucky beyond the undercover charade.

            Steve was greeted after his walk home by a bunch of pizzas on the tiny kitchen table. Bucky just shrugged from where he was sitting on the couch.

            “I was on the phone with Fury all day and didn’t feel like cooking.”

            “You know I’ll never say no to pizza,” was all Steve said back, making a beeline for the meat-lovers, while also grabbing a healthy amount of cheese too. After he had a plateful, he joined Bucky on the couch. “SHIELD picking up anything new?”

            Bucky just grunted before saying, “They know for sure that it’s Zola now. Like 100% sure. They have enough evidence to arrest him, but not quite enough to make sure he’s voted guilty by a jury. It’s frustrating all-around. They’re waiting for more evidence, something clear and solid – they got Sharon to plant a bug on his white coat but he’s being really careful. They also want to make sure they know who he’s working with first before arresting him. Fury agrees about Rumlow from security, and we’re also keeping an on another guy, Rollins. They rarely work the same shift together and have a lot of contact with Zola which is a little sketchy.”

            Steve nodded, “any idea on who could be funding our real-life evil scientist?”

            “Fury is slow to agree with me because he knows the guy – and even if he hasn’t told him about the op apparently trusts him quite a bit – but the CEO, Pierce,” Bucky said, glaring at his crust. “Maria planted all the Board members’ offices and he’s the one who is on contact with Zola more than anyone else. That and he found a bug last week and destroyed it, cause I don’t get _any_ audio on him any more. Stark and JARVIS have both confirmed that’s something to be suspicious of.”

            “I agree. We can try to get Maria to plant another, or just keep an extra close eye on him.”

            “I _have_ been keeping an extra close eye on him,” Bucky says. “ But I say no more bugs, we don’t want to tip him off.”

            Steve had finished the majority of his pizza so he settled back on the couch. He was always eager to take his scrubs off and hop in the shower after coming home but he needed to mention something to Bucky before he did so.

            “That all sounds good,” Steve affirmed. “By the way, Dr. Erskine invited us to Thanksgiving dinner at his place next week. A decent amount of people from the hospital will probably be there too.”

            Bucky perked up at that, “Oh?”

            “Yeah. I think it’ll be good for us both mission-wise and just personal wise. It’ll be nice cover as well as a good place to get info – especially if people are having wine or what not. Plus, it’ll be nice to get out of the house and we both know neither of us can resist a feast.”

            Bucky laughed, “I agree. I am more than up for that. It’ll be nice to do a traditional Thanksgiving again.”

            Bucky’s parents had retired in Florida, and Becca was all the way on the west coast getting her PhD. Bucky and Steve had sort of fended for themselves for Thanksgiving the last few years – occasionally being joined by Tony or any other loners who cared to join them.

            “Do we need to bring anything?” Bucky asked after a minute.

            “I uh, actually told Erskine we’d bring Ma’s stuffing if you’re okay with making it?” Steve answered, slightly chagrined at the fact that he’d said so without asking Bucky first. “I hope that’s okay.”

            Bucky shot up from his lounged position and asked, wide-eyed, “You’d let me see your mom’s super-secret stuffing recipe? You’d let me _make_ it?”

            “Yeah, of course,” Steve couldn’t help but laugh a little. “You really are basically family…the only family I have left to be honest. Plus, you’re the only one who I’d trust to be good enough at cooking to make it right.”

            “Well damn, Steve. You know just how to make a guy feel special,” Bucky said in mock seriousness.

            “I’m glad you’re up for it, cause otherwise I woulda had to try myself and it would’ve been awful. Sorry to spring it on you like that, but I was hoping you’d say yes to making it,” Steve said.

            “Steve, I’m so excited to make this stuffing, I could _kiss_ you.”

            Steve laughed nervously, knowing he was blushing at just the thought.

            “How ‘bout we wait until after you’re done making it to see if you still hold that sentiment. It’s a pain in the ass to make from scratch, that I remember. Plus, I totally need a shower first.”

            He started to get up off the couch, but caught a weird look in Bucky’s expression as Bucky followed suit.

            “What is it?”

            “If we do Thanksgiving, we’re going to seriously have to sell it. Not oversell it, but we need people to believe us. I know hospitals can be gossipy, so if we’re actin’ all weird and out of sorts while we’re together at Erskine’s someone’s going to pick up on it and talk.”

            “Okay…we’ve been doing really well with the slight PDA when you come to eat lunch with me,” Steve said carefully. “Holding hands and stuff. Everyone thinks we’re cute, no one’s really mentioned anything weird that I know of. Sharon would’ve given me a heads up.”

            “Good to know. But when we’re out of a professional setting it’s different,” Bucky explained. “Especially at holidays. People will expect us to be more lovey-dovey than usual.”

            “I’m sure we’ll be fine, we’re comfortable in each other’s personal space, even more so than some couples,” Steve said, wary as to where this was going.

            “We’re going to have to kiss in front of other people at some point,” Bucky stated matter of factly, and there it was.   

            “I realize that,” Steve replied slowly. “I don’t think it’ll be a big deal, do you?”

            “’Course, not. But we should consider making sure we’re comfortable kissing each other in general before we do so in front of other people and give ourselves away.”

            “You want to…practice kissing?” Steve asked warily. Oh, god. Steve’s pulse ratcheted up at just the thought, half excited and half terrified at the prospect.

            Bucky shrugged nonchalantly, “We need to look like a couple that’s been kissing for years. What if we kiss for the first time in front of other people and it’s obviously awkward and stunted and it looks like we’ve never kissed before.”

            “That’s true…”

            “So whaddya say?” Bucky asked.

            “Um, okay,” Steve agreed nervously. “Yeah we should practice first.” He definitely wanted to kiss Bucky, knew he may have to do it at some point, but he was still a little nervous.

            “Right now okay?” Bucky asked.

            “Yeah. Uh, might as well.”   

            Bucky’s face was indecipherable as he gently cupped Steve’s face in his hands and slowly – yet somehow both sensually and chastely – kissed Steve softly on the mouth. Bucky’s lips were plush and soft and warm and _perfect._

            Steve made sure to be receptive to the kiss, but didn’t quite kiss back so Bucky tried again, this time with a little less restraint. Steve kissed back the best he could this time, but still made himself hold back a lot more than he wanted to.

            Bucky pulled away and quirked an eyebrow, “Now I’ve seen you kiss people before and I know you can do better than that. Don’t hold back on my account, you won’t make me uncomfortable. We’re supposed to be _newlyweds_ , Steve. Madly in love. Not some awkward middle school couple who have never kissed before.”

            _Oh I’ll show you madly in love all right_ Steve thought before reeling Bucky back in and really giving it to him good this time. He pulled out all the tricks he knew had worked on everyone else.

            He ran his fingers up the back of Bucky’s neck, tugging when he got to his friend’s silky hair. This surprised a groan out of Bucky, which allowed for Steve to swipe his tongue into Bucky’s mouth. Bucky’s hands shifted at that move and he pulled Steve even closer.

            Steve was so caught up in the moment and the sensations it took him a little while to realize that if they continued making out like a couple of horny teenagers in the middle of the living room, things could get awkward. And by awkward, Steve meant he was seriously close to getting more than just a little turned on by this.

            He pulled away from Bucky with a gentle nip to Bucky’s lower lip, which got a surprised huff out of his best friend. They stood there in silence for a moment, both waiting for the other to address the elephant in the room. Thankfully, Bucky spoke first.

            “I knew you had it in you,” Bucky said, a little too unaffected sounding for Steve’s liking.

            “Yeah well, you know me. Give me a challenge and I’ll run with it,” Steve said, trying to sound way less worked up than he actually was. He wasn’t really sure it was working. “I’m sure that’ll keep ‘em off our case if it comes to it.”

            There was an awkward pause.

            “Anyway,” Steve said, clearing his throat. “I’m gonna go shower and get these gross scrubs off me, I’ve been sitting in them for over 13 hours.”

            “Steve we’ve both been in far nastier clothes for far longer, this mission is making you soft,” Bucky joked, and the atmosphere went back to almost-normal.

            “Yeah, yeah,” Steve said waving Bucky off and making a thankful escape through their room and into the bathroom.

            Steve seriously needed to stop touching himself to thoughts of his best friend in the shower they shared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> are you sure that's the only reason you and steve should kiss, bucky? ;)  
> hope you guys liked this chapter, as always feel free to say hi over at my [tumblr!](http://ohbarnes.tumblr.com/)


	3. Chapter 3

            While Steve spent the day before Thanksgiving working 7am to 7pm at the hospital, Bucky spent the day keeping a close eye on Pierce, making Sarah Rogers’ stuffing, and fantasizing about making out with Steve.

            It had been not quite a week since their little makeout session but it had plagued Bucky’s mind every chance it could. He supposed it was his own fault, he’d been the one to initiate it all. Still, even if he had ulterior motives they definitely did need to make sure they wouldn’t look like they’d never kissed before in front of other people.

 

            _Bucky held Steve’s (beautiful, angelic) face in his hands, hoping his hands wouldn’t betray how strung out just the_ thought _of kissing Steve made him. He kissed his friend, deliberately. Attempting to be both slow and sweet while also trying to let Steve know in the most unspoken way how he felt about him._

_Steve yielded to the kiss, but didn’t quite reciprocate so Bucky tried again, this time with a little more passion. Steve was still not kissing back._

_Trying to fight down the feeling of rejection, Bucky pulled back and gave Steve a cocky look to try to mask his uncertainty._

_“Now I’ve seen you kiss people before and I know you can do better than that. Don’t hold back on my account, you won’t make me uncomfortable. We’re supposed to be_ newlywed _s, Steve. Madly in love. Not some awkward middle school couple who have never kissed before.”_

_Bucky saw the familiar flash of challenge in Steve’s eyes – it made his heart speed up astronomically – before Steve was yanking Bucky flush to him. Steve was tugging at his hair and licking into his mouth and Bucky wasn’t even embarrassed at the noises coming out of his mouth as he pulled his friend closer._

_It was everything Bucky had ever hoped and dreamed that kisses between them would be like. Even if Bucky could’ve gladly stood there making out with Steve all goddamn day, he was mildly thankful when the kiss ended. If this continued, they’d have an awkward boner situation on their hands. Mutual makeouts were a little easier to move on from than awkward, one-sided boners._

_As he pulled back from the kiss, Steve made sure to catch Bucky’s lower lip between his teeth. Of course he did, the little shit._

_“I knew you had it in you,” Bucky said, trying very,_ very _hard to keep his cool._

 _“Yeah well, you know me. Give me a challenge and I’ll run with it. I’m sure that’ll keep ‘em off our case if it comes to it,” Steve said and Bucky had_ almost _forgotten the kiss was just a sham._ _“Anyway, I’m gonna go shower and get these gross scrubs off me, I’ve been sitting in them for over 13 hours.”_

_“Steve we’ve both been in far nastier clothes for far longer, this mission is making you soft,” Bucky said, attempting to ease the weird (sexual?) tension in the room. It seemed to work as Steve begged off to take a shower._

_Bucky collapsed back onto the couch with a sigh, and attempted to glare his half chub into submission. He wished there were more than one bathroom in this place because the more he lay there and dwelled on the kiss, the harder it got to fight off his Steve-induced boner. He highly considered pulling a quick one out on the bed or something but realized that with Steve so close, it would probably be crossing a line._

            To be fair, Bucky had ended up getting off to the thought of it later that same night in the shower. And again the next day. And again pretty much every day after. It was kind of pathetic, really. He was a grown ass man. He shouldn’t be _this_ affected by one single makeout session that hadn’t even lasted five minutes. 

            He felt guilty about looking forward to Thanksgiving if it meant he could find a reason to kiss Steve again.

 

* * *

  

            “Steven, James, welcome!” Erskine said greeting them at the door.  “Ah I see you’ve brought Sarah’s stuffing, as promised. That is a dish I won’t soon forget.”

            “Thank Bucky for that,” Steve said smiling and pulling Erskine in for a hug. “If I’d made it it’d be mostly inedible and a discredit to my mother’s memory.”

            “Well, thank you James,” Erskine said as Steve moved inside the front door. He ignored Bucky’s outstretched hand in exchange for a hug. “It’s good to see you again James. You’ve grown up well.”

            Bucky blushed and stammered out a thanks before following Steve into Erskine’s home. It was large without being ridiculous, easily a good size to host the two dozen or so people who were expected to come. Erskine led them to the kitchen showing Bucky where to put the stuffing, letting him know he’d start on reheating everything about a half-hour before dinner.

            The kitchen was buzzing with Steve’s coworkers so the first fifteen minutes was lots of introductions – once or twice for both Steve and Bucky if it was someone in the hospital Steve had never encountered before – and “nice to see you again” for the people Bucky had met while visiting Steve at work. Anyone from Steve’s department who wasn’t there either had family or had to work that evening.

            They were all mostly eating appetizers while the turkey finished cooking – cheese and crackers, veggie plates, the works – and drinking wine. Bucky and Steve had discussed beforehand to stay as sober as possible and use the others’ holiday mood to see if they could dig up any information. People tended to be chattier in at gatherings like this – especially when there was wine involved.

            After making a complete circle around they returned to the kitchen to find a newly arrived Sharon placing some sort of dessert dish on the table.

            “Oh thank god,” Bucky muttered, obviously thankful for the familiar face.

            “What, sick of playing Mr. Charming for all my faux coworkers?” Steve whispered, amused at Bucky’s reaction.

            “For your information, I don’t _play_ Mr. Charming, I am Mr. Charming,” Bucky whispered back as they made their way through the crowd and to Sharon. “But more or less I hate faking in front of these people. They’re all so nice. It makes me feel like a skeez.”

            “In all fairness, you kinda are a skeez,” Steve said, tone flat before throwing Bucky a saucy wink and exclaiming, “Sharon! It’s so good to see you.”

            Bucky followed suit, with a quick “hi” and a kiss to each of Sharon’s cheeks.

            “Sharon, you know the elusive husband of our dear Steve here?” Fiona, an older nurse in Steve’s ward asked Sharon.

            “Sure do,” Sharon said, grinning. “Steve and I worked for the same travelling company up in New York. I met Bucky through Steve soon after Steve moved back to New York. And I met Steve at M. Stark Memorial in New York.”

            Tony had built two hospitals in memoriam of his parents. One for his father in D.C. and another for his mother in New York. The hospital in NYC was massive and had one of the best Pediatric as well as Obstetrics wards in the United States. It was the only way Tony knew how to honor his mother and her love for children, he’d once told Steve.

            “That’s all well and dandy,” said Carly, one of Sharon’s coworkers in the OR, “but I want to know how y’all met,” she continued pointing to Steve and Bucky.

            “Mrs. Turner’s fourth grade class up in good ole Brooklyn,” Steve said smiling fondly at Bucky as all the women listening in cooed.

            “We were best friends as kids and then all the way through high school,” Bucky picked up for him. “But Steve got an amazing opportunity here in DC and ended up at Georgetown for undergrad and well…I went to MIT. So you know how it goes, sometimes friends lose touch. And it as harder back then before cell phones were so huge you know.”

            “MIT? My, my, my Steve, you didn’t tell me your husband was gorgeous _and_ smart!” Diane, also an ER nurse cut in.

            Steve grinned as he saw Bucky blush. He was always a hit with the older ladies. It was something about his charm and those romantic eyes of his.

            Bucky cleared his throat. “Yeah, uh. Computer Engineering. It’s why I’m always buggin’ Steve at lunchtime - I get to work from home. But yeah, uh, Steve moved back up to NYC and we were reintroduced by a friend of ours. The second I saw him again; I knew there was no way in hell I’d let him slip out of my grasp this time. So, I asked him out and the rest is history. I get to spend the rest of my life with my best friend and the best guy I know. What more could I ask for?”

            That got a lot more “ooooh-ing” and “ahhh-ing” from the ladies. It seemed quite a crowd had listened in on their little “how we met” conversation and everyone looked entirely and completely convinced.

            Steve’s heart clenched, wishing that’s what really happened. Wishing that Bucky didn’t spend the first few months of their time back together either walking on eggshells around Steve or looking at him like he was a ghost. Things had gotten infinitely better between them since, But Steve knew there were still some walls up between them.

            Steve didn’t know what to say, didn’t know what to do except wish that everything Bucky had just said was true. So Steve did the only thing he could find appropriate for the situation. He cupped Bucky’s face in his hand and leaned over to give him a slow, affectionate, sweet kiss – perfectly acceptable for two newlyweds madly in love and recounting their journey together. But even though it was perfect for the situation, perfect for the ruse, Steve knew that kiss was one hundred percent for himself.

 

* * *

   

          Bucky would never forget the day that Steve walked back into his life.

            “We have a new field agent joining us today,” Fury had said, immediately piquing Bucky’s, and everyone else’s interest. “Agent Barnes, he’ll actually be your new partner, following Agent Dugan’s retirement.”

            “You’re gonna throw some newbie on me huh Fury?” Bucky had asked with a cocky smirk. “Besides how do you even know we’re compatible as partners? We could clash. That stuff takes time and bonding and all that fun stuff.”

            Fury gave Bucky a look that meant he knew a hell of a lot more than Bucky did – a look Fury gave often.

            “Oh, I don’t think you two will have any trouble bonding, Agent Barnes.” Fury replied cryptically. “I’ll go get him, and let you see for yourself.”

            Fury left the Agent’s floor, and Natasha came to sit at Bucky’s desk.

            “Fury’s being even more mysterious than usual.” Natasha noted, raising an eyebrow at Bucky.

            “I don’t know why, if you’re wondering,” Bucky shot back. “Do you?”

            Natasha shrugged, “Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe I helped Fury vet and interview him.”

            “Okay then who _is_ this guy? Do I know him?” Bucky asked, growing more annoyed and anxious by the second.

            “Agents,” Fury’s voice called from the double doors that lead to the room. Bucky immediately spun to face the front of the room, his heart dropping to his stomach at the sight that greeted him. Regardless of the new, 6 foot 2, 200-plus-pounds-of-muscle body, Bucky would recognize that face and those eyes anywhere. But it wasn’t possible, it’ couldn’t be –

            “This is our new field agent, Steve Rogers,” Fury continued. “Agent Barnes, say hello to your new partner.”

            If the look on Steve’s face was any indication, he was just as shocked to see Bucky as Bucky was to see Steve.   

 

* * *

 

             “Your husband seems to be quite the hit,” Erskine said as he and Steve took down the candles and tablecloths from the expansive table.

            They’d stayed behind to help clean up and Bucky was in the kitchen with Fiona and another nurse, helping to wash dishes.

            “Yeah, he’s quite the charmer,” Steve agreed.

            “That I remember,” Erskine smiled. “You two seem to be playing the role of in love newlyweds very well, Steven.”

            Steve froze, and then cleared his throat. “Yeah, well. Y’know. Comes as part of the job.”

            Mhhmm,” Erskine replied, not looking entirely convinced. “You know, he was very distraught when I met with the two of you all those years ago. I know he would’ve done anything, agreed to anything, as long as it meant you were saved.”

            “We were the most important people in each other’s lives…still are if I’m being honest,” Steve replied quietly.

            “Of course. I’ve never seen such a young boy so desperate...I wonder sometimes…” Erskine trailed off.

            “Wonder what?” Steve questioned.

            “Is this all truly a ruse? You, the both of you, deserve happiness after all you’ve gone through in your lives. Especially you, Steven.”           

            “I…what do you mean?” Steve asked, even though he was pretty sure he knew what Erskine was insinuating.

            “What I mean, is that by now I think I know you quite well” Erskine said gently. “Well enough that I know you have loved James ever since I met you all those years ago. That you never stopped. Even when you had to stay away. Even when he gave up on you. You never stopped loving him.”

            Steve trained his eyes on the table, speechless and not quite able to look Erskine in the eyes.

            “I’m sorry, for my part in that. But Nicholas and I…we were just trying to keep you safe. Keep you both safe,” Erskine continued regretfully. “But if I’m right – and correct me if I’m wrong – I don’t think it’s too late for the two of you. He still looks at you now like he looked at you ten years ago.”

            “You don’t know that…” Steve trailed off.

            “Am I wrong though?” Erskine asked. “At least that you feel something for him?”

            Steve shook his head, it was freeing to finally admit it to someone else.

            “Not just _something_ ,” Steve whispered. “I feel…I feel everything for him.”

            Erskine smiled, “Then take my advice. Tell him the truth about why you had to cut all ties with him. And if you find time, sometime soon, after the mission perhaps, tell him how you feel. I can assure you, you won’t be disappointed by his answer.”

 

* * *

 

             “You called your parents and Becca to wish them a Happy Thanksgiving right?” Steve asked that night as they got ready for bed. Steve still couldn’t shake just how couple-y washing their faces and brushing their teeth together at a double vanity felt.

            “Yes, mom,” Bucky mumbled around his toothbrush.

            “Hey, I’m just saying,” Steve said, snapping Bucky’s lower back with the towel he’d used to clean his face. It got a startled “hey!” out of his friend. “You almost forgot last year. How come you never visit? I’m sure Florida is nice this time of year. Or even California. I know Becca would love to see you.”

            “Nah,” Bucky said dismissively. “Ma and Dad have most of their brothers and sisters down in West Palm too. Becca’s spent the last four Thanksgivings with her boyfriend – Fiancé now I guess. I don’t think any of them miss me, really.”

            “That’s bullshit and we both know it. You were their golden son. Got a scholarship to MIT, graduated with honors, never got into trouble – unless I was the one draggin’ you into it in the first place.”

            “They miss you,” was Bucky’s quiet answer. “They missed you a lot after the…after everything. But my mom understood why you didn’t want to come back at first after Sarah died. Even though she could see how much it hurt me that you never came home, she never blamed you for leaving your old life behind. None of them did.”

            “Do you?” Steve asked quietly. It was a question Steve had wanted to ask for a while.

            “Not anymore. At first I did. I didn’t understand why, thought maybe you’d come to your senses and wanted nothin’ to do with me anymore.”

            “ _What?”_ Steve asked, shocked. He quickly moved to sit next to Bucky on the bed. “Buck, _no._ I could never want you out of my life. I couldn’t come back. For my own safety. For yours.

            “I’m not really supposed to talk about this, but some very awful people – and I’m pretty sure they’re the ones we’re up against now – they crashed the procedure right after it was finished. They tried to kill me, tried to kill Erskine. Fury was there, and he and his men took them down. But they knew more would come. For Erskine, for me, for anyone I cared about. Fury wiped the minds of anyone and everyone that wasn’t the three of us of everything that happened that day. The serum, my face, Erskine. Everything. He wanted to find you, take away your memory of what they were doing to me, too. But I begged him not to. Kind of threatened him not to, really,” Steve said sheepishly.

            “In exchange for leaving your memory untampered, I had to promise to stay in DC so I could be monitored and kept safe,” Steve continued quietly. “At least for the duration of undergrad. I had to stay away from Brooklyn, from home. Mostly, I had to stay away from you. Fury wasn’t sure how you’d take the sudden change in my physical appearance, and of course all the add-ons. He was afraid you’d talk, afraid you’d expose us, expose me. But he didn’t know what I knew back then.”

            “And what was that?” Bucky asked, voice thick.

            “That I know you would’ve sooner taken my secret to your grave than expose me and the man who saved my life. But Fury pointed out that you knowing too much could put _you_ in danger too. These men, Buck…they’re scary. They’d do anything to get any information on the serum. Torture you, kill your entire family until you talked. Anything.

“And that’s what kept me from disobeying his orders. That and the fact that Fury has eyes and ears everywhere and the second I even tried to make it back to Brooklyn I know he would’ve dragged my sorry ass right back here.”

            Bucky laughed, and the sound was a little watery. Still, Steve knew it was good that they were getting this out.

            “Then as the years went on, you seemed to give up on me and so when it came time that it was safe for me to come home, to see you again…I knew you didn’t want to see me. And I understood.”

            “God, _Stevie_ ,” Bucky said, voice cracking. “Of course I wanted to see you…don’t ever think…I just thought you wanted me out of your life. Was sick of you blowing me off. If I had known…”

            “Hey, don’t blame yourself, Bucky,” Steve said gently, pulling Bucky in to a slightly awkward, yet still comforting, side hug. “You had every right to drop me for treating you like that, even if you didn’t know the reasoning behind it.”

            “But I _should’ve_ known!” Bucky exclaimed desperately, pushing himself out of Steve’s embrace. “I should’ve had more faith in you. I should’ve _known_ that there was a reason behind it all. That you never would’ve just dropped me without any cause. Maybe if I had held on just a little longer we could’ve been friends years before you came to SHIELD and –”

            “Hey, hey, hey, _Buck._ Listen. All that matters is that we’re friends now. And now that it’s all out in the open, we can move past it all. I already think this mission has made us closer than we’ve been since high school. Things are different now, but you’re still my best friend, always will be.”

            Bucky let out a shaky laugh, pulling Steve back in for a hug, “End of the line, pal.”

 

* * *

 

             “How come you didn’t tell me sooner?” Bucky asked the next day over a _very_ early breakfast. Steve had the day shift that day, which meant another day of surveillance for Bucky. Boring.

            Steve furrowed his eyebrows, looking at his coffee like it would hold all the right answers before replying. “Honestly? I wasn’t so sure you’d believe me. You were pretty mad at me there for a while, right when I came back. Even if we immediately jumped back into being friends, I knew there was a huge wall between us. I was waiting for the right time. For a time when you wouldn’t think it was bullshit.”

            “Fair enough,” Bucky said. “I guess this entire mission finally opened my eyes to the seriousness of the serum. I don’t think I would’ve been as affected by what you told me last night if I didn’t understand completely why it would’ve been so dangerous.”

            “Like I said,” Steve winked. “Right time.”

            He put his breakfast plate and mug in the dishwasher before coming back over to Bucky, gripping his shoulder.

            “I’m glad you know. Things between us…they feel lighter now,” Steve grabbed his keys and coat as he started to head out the door, calling back as he left, “feel free to meet me for lunch if you get bored!”

            To be honest, he probably would. Steve’s confession from the night before was the final blow to any resolve Bucky had when it came to Steve. Bucky was just worried now that he had no resentment to cling on to, he’d be in so far when it came to Steve that he would never be able to get back out.

            He met up with Steve for lunch and ended up eating with him and Sam. They mostly listened to Sam’s recount of his Thanksgiving with Riley’s family in Alexandria. Riley’s family was huge and many of them – both the men and women – had a long standing familial military background. Sam had confided he’d been afraid when he’d first met Riley all those years ago that his family wouldn’t like him due the combination of southern and military men _and_ the whole gay and black thing, but he’d been welcomed into the family with open arms.

            “The only bad thing about having thanksgiving off means that I work both Christmas Eve _and_ Christmas,” Sam sighed.

            “Me too!” Steve exclaimed. I’m the mid on Christmas Eve so I’ll be here 11-7 and then the night shift Christmas day.”

            “I’m nights both days so hopefully we’ll cross paths on the Eve but looks like you’re stuck with me Christmas day,” Sam grinned.

            “Lucky me,” Steve smiled back. Steve and Sam had really seemed to fall back into the easy friendship Bucky suspected they had in college. Bucky liked Sam a lot too, and he knew Steve would miss him once this was all over. It would be hard to keep contact though, as keeping in touch with Sam would also mean a lot of lying.

            “I really don’t mind it though,” Steve continued. “If it means the people with kids don’t have to come in then I’m all for it.”

            “Agreed,” Sam said. “Though,  _lord_ , was Riley’s mom pressuring us, askin’ when we’re gonna give her grandchildren. Riley and I have talked about it, but we’re still getting our feet back under us. We were thinking puppy first, see how that goes, then maybe look into adoption or surrogacy. What about you two? I know you’re pretty newly married but some couples want kids right off the bat.”

            Bucky could feel Steve tense beside him. Through all the things they’d work through – how they’d gotten together, details of their wedding, etc. – their stance on kids had never come up. Luckily, Bucky knew Steve pretty well.

            “Steve wants two,” Bucky said, and he could feel Steve’s gaze on him now. “A boy and a girl. He’d want to adopt the boy first, then the girl a few years later so that she always has an older brother to protect her.”

            Steve was staring at him incredulously – probably surprised that Bucky had remembered that confession from years ago.

            “And what do you want?” Sam asked.

            “I want whatever Steve wants,” Bucky shrugged. It was true – the picture it painted was almost too perfect, so rather than dwell on it Bucky simply leaned over and kissed Steve’s cheek before returning to his lunch.

 

* * *

 

 

            Sharon came back with Steve that night – the pair bringing home thai from the place down the street. As they ate their food, Sharon filled Steve and Bucky in on the latest from both her end and Fury.

            She told them that Zola has been meeting with Pierce a lot lately, more like arguing with Pierce a lot lately. The other nurses on her surgical team are under the impression maybe Zola’s asking for a raise or is about to get fired or something along those lines but Sharon’s almost sure it has to do with the mission.

            “Fury knows Pierce, trusts him, so I think he’s reluctant to believe it’s him. I’ve bee keeping an eye on everyone else Zola and Pierce interact with that’s kinda fishy. I definitely agree with your suspicions on Rollins and Rumlow. There’s always been something about Rumlow especially that makes me very uncomfortable. I don’t trust them.

            “I was talking with Natasha who got Stark to dig up old blueprints for the hospital. Under the main floor is a series of basement rooms – originally made for extra storage. Since the East Wing addition was made in 2011 they’ve been out of use – and we’re pretty sure that’s where they’ve been taking the people who were disappearing a few months ago.”

            “No one’s disappeared since though right?” Bucky asked, looking at the blueprints Sharon brought up on the tablet.

            “No. They’re being careful. But if you look here, the basements are directly under the surgical wing. Easy access for Zola. And from what I’ve gathered from the other nurses, the basement is inaccessible now – though they’ve seen some people from security taking old equipment we don’t use any more and can’t donate down there.”

            “How much you wanna bet those people from security were Rumlow and Rollins – and whoever else Pierce has got his hold on in security?” Steve said grimly.

            “Exactly. There’s also Jasper Sitwell who’s the head of the hospital’s finance department,” Sharon said, bringing up his profile on the hospital website. “Normally he and the CEO, Pierce, should be in the actual office building not the hospital itself but Sitwell, Pierce, and Zola have all been taking lunch together in Pierce’s office. It would be smart to have someone in finance to cover up any expenses from their…experiments. I think we’re getting close; they seem to be getting desperate.”

            It was a relief that Sharon was on the same wavelength as them as far as this mission went. It was worrisome that Fury had ties to Pierce, especially if Pierce was the main culprit. There was nothing much they could do now but wait. Whether that be for solid evidence, or for people to start disappearing again – they weren’t sure.

            “We just need Fury to see past his old loyalties and see Pierce for what we think he is,” Bucky murmured.

            “They’re getting desperate – but they’re also getting too comfortable,” Sharon said, solemn. “I give it less than a month before they start taking people again.”

            After they finished dinner, Sharon went home as she had to be at the hospital early the next day for a scheduled surgery.

            Steve had been quiet after the conversation at dinner, even after Sharon left. He cleared the table and washed the dishes – very obviously lost in his own mind. After everything was put away, Steve excused himself to go shower. Bucky sat on the couch and put something mindless on, knowing that if Steve wanted to talk he’d come out and sit with Bucky.

            A couple minutes later, Bucky heard the shower cut off. A little after that, the door to their room creaked open and Bucky listened intently as Steve softly padded through the living room, coming around the other side of the couch. Bucky looked up at him and Steve paused – as if deciding whether or not to take what Bucky knew he needed. So Bucky lifted his arm in invitation.

            The tenseness in Steve’s body quickly drained and he all but slumped onto the couch half on top of Bucky, curling into his side. For such a huge guy, he sure knew how to make himself seem so small – something that must’ve been leftover from _actually_ being small. Bucky pulled the blanket off the back of the couch, draping it over both of them and wrapping his arm around Steve’s shoulder. Steve was silent for a few moments before he finally spoke.

            “We gotta stop them before they start taking people, Buck. No more…no one else gets hurt because of the serum.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> remember sam's comment back in chapter 1...steve narrowly avoided THAT awkward conversation at this holiday party, but there are no promises he'll escape it next holiday party that comes around.  
> smut next chapter for sure and then the action will start to pick up after that. We're about halfway through at this point so get excited!  
> also, regarding the next chapter, finals are coming up for me so I will try to get it out ASAP but may not be able to do so until about halfway through December! just as heads up!!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy holidays you guys! thank you so much to everyone who wished me luck on finals on last chapter's comments - you are all too sweet!  
> hope this chapter helps you through finals/break/family gatherings/etc  
> probably only 2 more chapters left before it's over!  
> (please note the newest tag cause that happened)
> 
> p.s. you know what christmas means? mistletoe ;)

            “It’s snowed here already of course,” Natasha’s saying on the other line. It’s the beginning of December and Steve had a Saturday off so they’d decided to go a little out of the city and get a tree. It was their tradition every year.

            Steve was singing “Have a Holly Jolly Christmas” at the top of his lungs while he lined their windows with Christmas lights and Bucky couldn’t help but laugh.

            “Is that Steve in the background that I’m hearing?” Natasha asked, a smirk in her voice.

            “Yeah, we’re decorating the apartment. You know how much he loves his Christmas music.”

            “Mhhmmm, you gonna hang some mistletoe? _Really_ get into that fake husbands thing with some good, holiday mackin’?”

            Bucky sputtered momentarily before answering, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

            “I expect you to be a better liar than that, James,” was all she said back, sounding bored. “Sharon and I talk about more than just missions when she calls you know. Besides you don’t have to pretend with me.”

            “Jesus, just shut up about it right now,” Bucky hushed her. He never knew if – or how much – the serum enhanced Steve’s hearing. “Bother me all you want about it when I get back but please just leave it for now.”

            “Fine, fine. Speaking of coming back, please hurry up and finish this mission. I’m bored and you’re the only one I can’t drink under the table. Clint won’t go out drinking with me anymore and I want to go holiday bar hopping.”

            “Trust me, we’re doing all we can. Maybe work a little harder on your end if you’re so bored, hm?” Bucky teased. “But I gotta go, we’re decorating the tree now.”

            “Ooooh tell your sweetheart hello for me and when you two finally get your heads out of your asses, remember to wrap it before –”

            “ _Jesus_ ,” Bucky swore, hanging up on his friend. He loved Nat but she was such a dick sometimes.

            “Who was that?” Steve asked, carrying the box of ornaments over. Bucky had the tree all set up, it just needed some lights and ornaments now to be complete.

            “Natasha, buggin’ the shit out of me per usual.”

            “Everything good on their end?” Steve asked.

            “Yeah, she’s complaining about being bored, of course,” Bucky huffed. “As if there isn’t work to be done.”

            “They must be pretty sick of watching our feeds and trying to find any solid evidence if I’m being honest. Can’t really blame her.”

            They set to work, putting the ornaments Steve took from his mother’s house after she passed on the tree. It was something they did every year at Steve’s, Bucky coming over from his place to do so. It was also a tradition at the Rogers’ – Bucky joining ever since he could remember – to all decorate the tree together, so to them it made any place feel like home.

            “Y’know, after my mom died I didn’t quite get into the Christmas spirit like I used to,” Steve admitted quietly. “It was hard, it was Ma’s favorite holiday, favorite time of the year. Those first few years down here…it wasn’t the same. But when I moved back to Brooklyn and you insisted on draggin’ me outta the city to get a tree for my place and then pulling all my shit out and getting me to decorate.  At first, I put on a happy face for you because I wanted to pretend…but then it wasn’t really pretending anymore. You made me love Christmas again, Buck.”  

            “You are such a fuckin’ sap, Rogers,” Bucky muttered, hoping the dim lighting in the room would prevent Steve from noticing his blush. Bucky couldn’t help the way his heart fluttered at that.

            “It’s not sappy it’s true!” Steve said, mussing Bucky’s hair, while Bucky tried to bat Steve’s hand away.

            He’d been right in his assumption that breaking down all the walls that had been built up between him and Steve would only make all of this so much harder.

 

* * *

 

            “We’ve got Sitwell locked down,” Tony says over the phone on speaker, two days before Christmas. “I’ve been tracing a lot of his activity since before Thanksgiving and he’s definitely been doing some serious Money laundering.”

            “What’s he hiding it as?” Bucky asked, trying and failing miserably to tie his Christmas themed bowtie in the mirror.

            “Set up as a bunch of Christmas charity funds for kids with cancer or something like that,” Tony continued.

            “Wow that’s fucked up,” Steve muttered as he motioned for Bucky to stop trying to tie his tie so that he could do it himself.

            “Language, Cap, I’m at the office,” Tony chided. Steve made a vulgar gesture at the phone. “But yeah, karma will come for him in the form of SHIELD, trust me. But anyway, Romanoff hacked into the bank he’s using – owned by none other than Alexander Pierce’s family, and by extension Pierce himself – and the funds are definitely not going towards cancer medicine.”

            Steve was putting the finishing touches on Bucky’s bowtie before Bucky asked, “What precisely is he using it for?” 

            “Well according to Erskine, all the necessary instruments and materials to duplicate his Vita-Ray machine.”

            Bucky swore, and looked over to make sure Steve was okay. Steve’d gone pale.

            “Yeah, that was my exact reaction. He’s also been buying a shit-ton of Nitramene, which Erskine has confirmed is necessary to the procedure. We can all thank my father for putting _that_ on the market.”

            “So pretty much what you’re saying is…” Steve trailed off.

            “They’re getting ready. We have all we need to convict Sitwell now, as well as Zola. Keep an eye on those security guards, see if they’re going into that creepy-secret basement any more than usual. We still have _nothing_ on Pierce. Erskine is sure he’s the front runner. I think Fury is having a hard time believing it, which is surprising because that guy doesn’t trust _anyone._

“If we’re going to catch Pierce, if he really is our guy, we’re going to have to catch him in the act. Me, Rhodey, Barton and Romanoff are keeping an eye on him and the creepy basement entry 24/7 while he’s in the hospital building. Be on your guard these next few weeks. If he starts experimenting on people again, we need you both there at the drop of the hat.”

            “And we’ll be there,” Steve affirmed, tone darkening.

            “Good,” Tony said. “Sorry to be the bearer of bad news so close to the holidays. You two keep your guards up and stay safe. If anything happens, Rhodey will be there to back you up. I’ll talk to you soon.”

            As soon as Stark hung up, Steve groaned and fell onto the bed, elbow over his eyes.

            “I don’t want to go to this stupid hospital Christmas party anymore,” Steve groaned. “Not with all _this_ hanging over our heads.”

            “I know pal,” Bucky said sitting beside him. "But we have to. It would be suspicious not to. And Sam promised we’d get to see Riley.”

            “I hate when you’re the voice of reason,” Steve grumbled, but got up nonetheless. “C’mon then I guess. We could both use a drink.”

            The hospital had rented out a swanky bar right on the water. Pop versions of Christmas songs played, though they were mostly drowned out by the chatter.

            Sharon was there somewhere, Bucky wondered if Stark or Nat had updated her on everything yet. He hoped so, he’d have to double check with her at some point – but here and now was definitely not the time. Bucky immediately cased their surroundings as soon as he’d walked in the door, and he knew Steve had done the same. It was instinct, and a good one at that. He immediately noticed Rollins and Rumlow at the bar, already pretty drunk and boisterous. They looked like the kind of men who would cause problems when drunk, so he’d keep an eye on them.

            Zola was nowhere to be seen, but he was notoriously a recluse according to Steve and the others at the hospital so Bucky wasn’t surprised that he wasn’t there. Sitwell was in a booth by himself, clutching a drink a little too tightly and looking very uncomfortable.

            Pierce - of course - was nowhere to be found, though Bucky suspected he’d make an appearance at one point or another.

            They spotted Sam and who must’ve been Riley quickly and made a beeline for them through the crowd. Riley was a few inches taller than Sam – about Steve’s height – and was built. He had nicely kept dirty-blonde hair with a beard to match. He had a rugged look to him, but soft, kind eyes.

            “My favorite couple!” Sam exclaimed as the two approached. Sam pulled them in for an immediate hug and Bucky could hear Riley laughing.

            “Sorry, he’s had too much eggnog already, I’m Riley,” Sam’s husband said easily, extending hand to Bucky, then giving Steve a polite hug. “Steve, it’s good to see you again.” 

            “Listen we’re just happy to not be the token gay-married couple at the hospital anymore,” Sam said and, yep, he’d definitely had some eggnog, judging by the slight slur in his voice. Bucky didn’t miss the flash of guilt in Steve’s eyes at that, though. Even with the constant threat of the serum recreation over their heads, it was sometimes hard to forget that they’d probably be leaving this all behind in a few weeks’ time.

            They both still laughed, joining in with Sam and Riley, but Bucky gripped Steve’s arms and whispered in his ear, “Why don’t you go get us a couple of drinks okay? I’ll have one but you deserve a few. Take a load off tonight, and I’ll take care of everything else.”

            Steve looked like he was going to protest but nodded and Bucky kissed his cheek, easy as breathing.

 

* * *

 

            Steve finally spotted Sharon at the bar, studiously ignoring Rumlow and Rollins. He sat next to her and ordered two whiskey gingers, one for him, one for Bucky.

            “They botherin’ you?” Steve asked Sharon under his breath once they bartender had left to make his drinks.

            “Even if they were we both know I’d have no problem kicking their asses,” Sharon said, grinning around her straw.

            Steve laughed, “Oh, trust me I know. But I’d want to help.”

            The bartender had finished Steve’s drinks and Steve handed him his card to start a tab.

            “You get a chance to talk to your Unlce Nick about your holiday plans?” Steve asked, keeping his voice neutral and normal, like he’d been trained. He doubted Rumlow was sober enough to pick up on anything, but Sitwell was here and none of them were all too sure of who else was in on all of it.

            “Yeah, he called me today,” Sharon replied easily, stirring her drink. “Gave me all the updates. I probably won’t be able to make it home for Christmas, but he’s thinking everything should be ready for me to come for New Years.”

            “That soon?” Steve asked, he’d known it’d been getting down to the wire but the idea of being home in a little over a week was a little unsettling. Steve took a swig of his drink.

            Sharon just nodded and motioned to over Steve’s shoulder where Rumlow was approaching with Rollins in tow.

            A large hand gripped his shoulder.

            “Rogers, how’yra doing tonight?” Rumlow slurred.

            “I’m good,” Steve replied tightly. He was ready to react to whatever Rumlow decided to do. He made eye contact with Sharon who looked just as wary as Steve felt.

            “And where’s your…Bucky tonight?” Rumlow continued, undeterred by Steve’s obvious discomfort.

            “Over there with Sam and Riley. Speaking of which, I really should be getting back – ”

            “Hey now, none of that,” Rumlow cut him off. “Jack and I are bying peppermint Schnapps shots, you and Sharon should take them with us.”

            Steve watched as the bartender poured the shots, he looked at Sharon for affirmation who just shrugged. One shot couldn’t hurt, right?

 

* * *

 

            Okay, somehow or another, Steve was tipsy.

            Bucky, Sam, and Riley had eventually moved to a booth. Steve looked like he was having fun with Sharon at the bar – though the presence of Pierces two goons made him nervous, he knew they were no match for both Steve and Sharon together.

            When Steve finally returned – sans drinks – he was flushed, with a bright smile on his face. Steve immediately slid into the booth and plastered himself against Bucky, wrapping an arm around Bucky’s waist.

            “You doin’ okay there, Stevie?” Bucky asked carefully. He didn’t want to ruin Steve’s good mood, but he knew it took serious effort to get any sort of buzz going for Steve at all.

            “Mmmm, I love when you call me Stevie,” Steve sighed, nuzzling into Bucky’s shoulder.

            “Looks like someone had some fun over at the bar,” Sam grinned, still a little tipsy from earlier.  

            “Oh shit, I forgot your drink!” Steve bemoaned, eyes going comically wide as he pulled away from Bucky.

            “Don’t worry ‘bout it buddy, I had some of the complimentary spiked eggnog – though I’m nowhere near your level right now.”

            “Yeah, I had a lot of Schnapps, Sharon and I did peppermint patty shots where you pour chocolate syrup in and then take a shot of peppermint Schnapps! You gotta try it Buck, we should go do some they were _so_ good,” Steve said, tugging Bucky’s arm.

            “I went to college, trust me I’ve done a peppermint patty shot before,” Bucky said, laughing. “I’d rather stay here and hang out with you and our friends in the booth.”

            “That’s a good idea too,” Steve said, smiling at Bucky dopily and wrapping his arms back around Bucky’s waist. _God_ , Steve was handsy when he drank. Bucky wasn’t too worried though. The one other time he’d seen Steve drunk, it had worn out within the hour. Steve’s incredible metabolism sobered him quickly.

            They chatted with Sam and Riley for a little, Steve a little more giggly and talkative than usual.

            Mariah Carey’s “All I Want For Christmas Is You” started blasting over the speakers and people cheered. Steve’s face lit up – and Bucky knew what that meant.

            “Dance with me!” Steve exclaimed, eyes bright, and _god_ Bucky couldn’t say no to that. So he dutifully followed as Steve pulled him to dance where a crowd had gathered. It was more of Steve spinning Bucky and singing along than actual dancing but it still made Bucky laugh and want to dance along. The bar played few more faced paced songs before slowing it down with Michael Bublé version of “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas.”

            Steve just cocked his head with raised eyebrows, pulling Bucky in for a slow dance. They swayed together, the song was slow and sweet and romantic in a way only Christmas music was. Bucky could tell Steve was already mostly sober, as his movements became more sure and sturdy and he’d quieted down.

            “Remember when we were fifteen and I had two left feet, but you taught me to dance anyway so I wouldn’t embarrass myself at homecoming?” Steve murmured the question into Bucky’s ear. Bucky shivered, but laughed at the memory.

            “You were so little then, but you kept steppin’ on my shoes,” he whispered back. “I had to let you stand on my feet to learn the steps.”

            Steve laughed fondly, and pulled Bucky in closer. “Everything was so simple when were kids. Worrying about whether or not I was gonna step on some girl’s toes on homecoming or not seemed like the biggest deal in the world. I miss it sometimes.”

            “Me too, Steve,” Bucky agreed.

            They moved together until the song was over, and Bucky probably could’ve slow danced with Steve all night but Steve was parched so they left the dance floor to each get some water.

            They’d returned to the booth to talk to Sam and Riley,  setting their waters down when Sam pointed up and exclaimed, “Kiss! You guys there’s mistletoe above the booth and you’re standing under it, you gotta kiss!”

            Sure enough, there was mistletoe on the beam right above the booth, right above every booth down the back wall to be exact. Steve and Bucky looked at each other, as if testing the other to see what to do. It wasn’t like they had practiced kissing to make it look natural for nothing, right?

            “Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss!” Sam and Riley chanted in unison and, listen, Bucky wasn’t gonna look a gift horse in the mouth so he waved them off and reeled Steve into a kiss.

            Steve was, understandably, surprised at first but eventually returned Bucky’s kiss with enthusiasm and god Bucky wished they weren’t in front of a lot of people so they could drag this out, but it was only a few passes of lips and tongues before he was pulling away. Steve only blinked at him and smiled though, so he was glad to know that at least his friend was on board.

            “Good lord, Sam, you were right,” Riley said with a grin as they pulled apart, both a little more than flushed. “They _are_ grosser than us. Didn’t think it was possible, but I’ve been proven wrong.”

             That made Bucky blush even harder as they finally slid into the booth.

            “Oh, don’t even _start_ ,” Sam said, rolling his eyes. “You know who had to hear about Bucky-this and Bucky-that all throughout clinicals in college? Me! But hey, at least we got to bond over us both being secretly in love with slash pining over our best friends. We did a lot of angsting together.”  

            Riley laughed.

            Steve choked on his water.

            And Bucky…Bucky’s world felt like it’d just fallen out from under his feet.

            “Oh don’t look like that Steve, you two are married now. Though I’d say I was luckier than you, holding a flame for the same guy since the seventh grade. You are a patient man, then again it worked out and you two are pretty much perfect for each other. Me and Riley on the other hand…”

            Sam continued on, Riley was following along with the story and looking at Sam adoringly , but Bucky wasn’t paying attention anymore.

             Bucky chanced a look at Steve who, from any outsider’s perspective, seemed to be paying rapt attention to Sam’s story.

            But Bucky knew better.

            Steve was very tense under his façade, slightly angling his body away from Bucky and attempting to make himself look as small as possible.

            Was what Sam said true? Bucky’s mind was racing. _Seventh grade._ There was no way Steve had returned his affections for so long without either of them _saying_ something or figuring it out. But what if it was just part of Steve’s cover, something he’d mentioned to Sam at the hospital? But Sam had said that Steve had mentioned it during their clinicals all the way back in Steve’s senior year of college.

            The conversation carried around Bucky, but he zoned out – lost in thought.

            Eventually, Riley broke his focus.

            “You doing okay there buddy?” He asked, interrupting Bucky’s trance.

            “Yeah, yeah I’m fine,” Bucky said sheepishly, clearing his throat. “Just tired.”

            Riley checked the time on his phone.

            “Shit, it’s passed midnight already. You ready to go babe?” Riley asked Sam. Same replied with a sleepy nod and the pair got up to leave the booth, Steve and Bucky doing the same so they could say goodbye.

            “You, uh, ready to go?” Steve asked quietly after they’d bid the couple goodnight. Bucky nodded, taking the keys from Steve’s hand, which made Steve protest. “Hey, I’m totally sober now!”

            “I know,” Bucky said. “But just in case.”

            As they made their way to leave through the crowded bar, Bucky felt a pair of eyes on them. He looked over his shoulder to see none other than Pierce himself watching two of them leave. He didn’t break eye contact, and something about the man’s gaze made Bucky uneasy. Bucky moved faster through the crowd, eager to be out of the bar and Pierce’s gaze.

 

* * *

 

 

            The drive home was too quiet, and not the comfortable kind he was so used to with Steve, either. The silence continued until they were in the apartment, door shut, jackets off,  and Bucky couldn’t take it any more.

            “Are we gonna talk about it?” Bucky asked carefully.

            Steve had been headed to their room, back to Bucky, but froze mid-stride. He could hear Steve take a deep breath, as if steeling himself for the conversation, before he turned around.

            “Talk about what?” Steve asked, expression neutral.

            “Don’t pull that shit with me,” Buck shot back, already frustrated. “Are we going to talk about what Sam said? About you…about how you felt about me?”         

            “Feel,” Steve corrected quietly after a pregnant pause.

            “Feel?” Bucky repeated, incredulous.

            “Listen, if it makes you uncomfortable, that’s fine. But, I don’t think us ignoring it now that it’s out in the open will do us any better, either.”

            “No, no, no, you don’t get it,” Bucky said quickly. “It’s just… _me too_ , Stevie.”

            A million different emotions flashed over Steve’s face before it landed on something that looked cautiously hopeful.

            “You’ve been…pining too?” Steve asked, voice hoarse.

            “If by pining, you mean ‘hopelessly in love with since we were barely teenagers’ then yes, Steve. Ever since I can remember, it’s only been you. No one else has ever compared. No one.”

            “Fuck, Bucky,” Steve whined, and was breaking the distance between in a few short strides. He gripped Bucky’s waist yanking him into a kiss so passionate that Bucky felt his knees go a little weak. There was none of the restraint that had been behind all of their faux kisses before this. It was pure, unbridled desire and love all mixed into one.

            “Wait,” Bucky said, breaking away from Steve’s talented mouth and gaining a groan from Steve. “You’re sober right? Cause if you’re not sober then –”

            “I’ve been sober since we slow danced, Buck. Trust me, this isn’t the booze talking – it’s the years of hidden feelings talking.”

            “Oh thank _god_ ,” Bucky replied and went back in for another kiss.

            Somehow or another they made it to the bedroom Bucky pushing Steve down onto the bed bodily and climbing to straddle him. As much as he wanted Steve inside him as soon as possible, he also wasn’t going to miss the chance to make out with Steve like a horny teenager.

            Steve seemed to be on board, grinding up into Bucky and moaning while his hands roamed all over Bucky’s body. They eventually made their way down to rove over and then squeeze Bucky’s ass and they both groaned into each other’s mouths at the feeling.

            “Fuck,” Steve cursed as Bucky trailed kisses along his jaw and neck. “ _Fuck_ , it’s probably a really good thing that we never did this as teenagers ‘cause I woulda come in my pants by now.”       

            Bucky laughed and nipped at Steve’s jawline then his ear - which got a rather impressive whimper from Steve that Bucky cataloged into his brain for later. He sat up, getting protests from Steve until he started using his position to grind down on Steve, who gripped Bucky’s hips and helped his movements.

            “I honestly don’t think horny teenage me would’ve lasted any longer than horny teenage you, especially if it were horny teenage us having sex together. God, I used to get myself off to thoughts of you all the damn time. Used to dream of that tiny little body of yours fuckin’ me senseless.”

            “Holy shit,” Steve gasped out before yanking Bucky back town on top of him, then lifting his hips to roll them over. He slotted himself between Bucky’s legs and started grinding down on him, so Bucky continued to talk.

            “I also used to dream of picking you up and holding you up while I fucked you against a wall,” Bucky said and Steve outright _whined._ “You’re pretty big now, but I’ve gotten beefy myself these past few years, I think I could still do that.”

            “Jesus, Buck if you don’t stop talking I _will_ come in my pants, and I won’t be to blame for it. You gotta tell me what you want before this is all over before it even starts.”

            “I want a lot of things,” Bucky admitted. “But as for tonight, I want you to fuck me. I wanna feel you inside me and I wanna feel it all day tomorrow.”

            Steve’s hips stuttered, “I can uh, I can definitely do that. But do we have…”

            “In the bathroom, under the counter” Bucky said, “I got it just for appearances in case someone came over, but I’m currently thanking my lucky stars I did.”

            Steve immediately hopped off Bucky, but before he headed to the bathroom he pointed at him and said, “I want it all off, except your boxers, by the time I get back.”

            As Steve left the room, Bucky yanked at his tie tossing it carelessly aside once it was off. He made quick work of his buttons, probably popping a few off, and threw his shirt in the general direction of the laundry basket. He laughed when he realized he still had his dress shoes and socks on. Bucky was just throwing the rest of his clothes, save for his boxers, into the corner when Steve came back into the room, holding the lube and condoms and wearing nothing at all.

            God bless America.

            “Good, god Steve was your dick always that big or did the serum enhance _everything,_ ” Bucky asked incredulously cause _wow_ that was nice dick. Not like…terrifyingly huge but definitely proportionate to Steve’s current 6’2” frame.

            Steve blushed, the first time he’d looked bashful during this entire encounter.

            “No, actually. It uh, was kinda the only thing that stayed the same.”

            “You mean to tell me,” Bucky choked out, “that skinny, 5’4” Steve Rogers was walkin’ around with _that_.”

            Steve nodded, flushing even redder.

            “ _Oh my god_ ,” Bucky moaned and got up to scoot to the edge of the bed. “If I could go back in time and tell my sixteen-year-old self one thing it would be that Steve Rogers has the nicest cock I’ve ever seen.”

            He gripped Steve’s hips and pulled him close so that the tip of Steve’s erection was mere inches away from Bucky’s lips. Bucky looked up at Steve with big eyes and pouted lips, a look he knew brought men and women to their knees, and asked, “this okay, Stevie?”

            Steve moaned out a “yes” before Bucky was taking the initiative and swallowing Steve down. He bobbed up and down along Steve’s cock – assured and pretty much a professional at this point – taking the chance every now and then to take Steve all the way down and swallow around him.

            Eventually, Steve’s hands found his hair and pulled. Bucky got excited until he realized Steve was trying to pull him off. Bucky whined as he pulled off Steve’s head with a pop, but listened when Steve told him to back up to the pillows and relax.

             Steve placed the condom on the bed, lube in hand he squirted a healthy amount into his hands and began to warm it. Because of course Steve Grant Rogers was a polite lover.

            “Sorry Buck,” He said as his fingers traced around Bucky’s hole. “Not that that wasn’t probably one of the best blowjobs of my life, but I was seconds away from coming down your throat and I wanted to make sure I got to fuck you tonight.”

            Bucky had meant to reply, but one of Steve’s fingers had breached his rim so it was game over. Steve prepped him thoroughly, moving down the bed to take him in his mouth, too as he added a second finger, then a third. The combination of Steve’s mouth on his dick and three fingers up his ass was more than enough to make him come, so while he mourned the loss of both, he was grateful when Steve stopped to put the condom on, pouring a little more lube in his hand and spreading it over his cock.

            Steve moved back in between Bucky’s thighs and Bucky immediately spread them more for him. Steve brushed the hair from Bucky’s sweaty forehead and kissed him sweetly.

            “You good, you sure about this?” Steve asked, lining himself up at Bucky’s entrance.

            “Never been more sure of anything in my life,” Bucky admitted.

            Steve kissed him again, passionately, as he slid into Bucky, torturously slow. They both broke the kiss to moan into each other’s mouths. Steve felt _so good_ , a sentiment Steve repeated back to Bucky as he started thrusting gently and shallowly into him.

            Once he was sure Bucky was accommodated, he upped the force of his thrusts, slamming into Bucky slowly with strong strokes that knocked Bucky’s breath from him each time.

            Steve returned to kissing him, everywhere at first. His pecks, his collarbones, up and around his neck before moving to Bucky’s swollen lips to trade languid, breathy kisses with him. They went on like that for a while, until it was both too much and not enough and Bucky started begging for more.

            Steve complied, speeding up his thrusts, and Bucky gripped Steve’s shoulders, wrapping his legs around Steve’s slim waist to him on.

            “Fuck, fuck, fuck, _right there_ Stevie. Right there, baby. God, you’re so big you feel so good, fill me up so good.”

            Bucky’s encouragement only made Steve fuck into him even harder panting and whining and moaning with every breath.

            “God, Bucky I can’t believe we’re doing this. I’ve dreamt about this. I love you so much. Always have, always will.”

            Steve moved his hand to Bucky’s swollen cock, stroking him as he spoke, if Bucky wasn’t on  the edge already between Steve’s hand and his words, he was now.

            “I love you,” Bucky panted. “So much. Always.”

            Steve whimpered and sped both his hand and thrusts and Bucky was crying out, spilling between them

            “Oh, fuck,” Steve swore, watching in rapt fascination as Bucky came all over his own stomach and Steve’s hand. “Oh, god you’re so hot when you come.”

            “I want you to come now,” Bucky muttered, still punch-drunk from his orgasm. “C’mon baby, lemme see it.”

            Steve thrusted a few more times before he moaned Bucky’s name and seized up, following Bucky over the edge.

            He kissed Bucky so tenderly it made Bucky’s heart feel raw before pulling out and tying off the condom and tossing it in the wastebasket in the corner. He popped into the ensuite and came out with a wet hand towel. He wiped himself off perfunctorily, then gently cleaned Bucky’s stomach and between his thighs and cheeks. When he was done, he threw the towel somewhere in the same vicinity as Bucky’s clothes.

            He crawled into the bed, manhandling Bucky under the covers and into his arms.

            “Holy fuck,” was all Bucky had to say.

            He could feel Steve laughing from where his head rested on Steve’s muscled chest as Steve ran his fingers through Bucky’s hair.

            “Holy fuck indeed,” Steve agreed.

 

* * *

 

            Waking up with Steve’s mouth on his neck meant a lazy morning spent in bed – at least until Steve had to go in for work.  It was only a few hours, but as soon as Steve was home Bucky was on him again, dragging him into the shower this time. And _damn_ did Steve look amazing wet.

            Bucky made them dinner and after they at they bundled up on the couch to watch Christmas movies which turned into them making out on the couch which turned into another amazing night of Steve tenderly, lovingly, fucking Bucky into the mattress.

            They hadn’t actually…talked about any of it yet. They’d done a lot of _not_ talking (and a lot of dirty talking) but they hadn’t talked about what this all meant. There’d been plenty of declarations of love, but no talk of what this made them or what the future could potentially hold. To make it all worse, Stark had called him on Christmas eve while Steve was at work to let Bucky know that his floor at the tower was ready. Stark had taken the liberty of moving all of Bucky’s stuff over to his new place, so he’d be able to move in as soon as he was home. He hadn’t told Steve yet but he would before their time in DC was up – which seemed to be getting shorter and shorter.

            Steve forwent another morning in bed for presents on Christmas, and Bucky couldn’t complain. The day was spent in a lazy haze, lazily kissing, lazily lounging on the couch, and they had an early dinner before Steve went in for the night.

            “Why do you have to go into work _tonight,_ ” Bucky whined. “It’s not fair.”

            Steve laughed as he headed to the bedroom to change into his scrubs, “I have all of tomorrow off. We’ll make up for lost time then.”

            Of course Bucky knew why Steve was working tonight, but looking back Bucky’d wished he’d just been selfish. Which was Bucky being selfish but, really he’d barely gotten a taste of Steve he was nowhere near done with him, mission be damned –

            Bucky’s phone was ringing.

            His emergency ringer.

            He scrambled to get it out of his pocket,

            “Barnes,” He said.

            “Looks like we’re coming to yours the day after Christmas,” Natasha said on the other end of the line.

            “Tonight? Or Tomorrow?” Bucky sputtered.

            “We’re currently getting ready to leave, packing the car and all that. We’re waiting on the OK from Uncle Nick but we’ll probably be in early morning. I’ll keep you updated, but we’ve obviously had a change in plans. We’re sure now’s the best time.”

 

* * *

 

            Clipping his badge to his scrubs and pulling on his coat, Steve paused when he left their bedroom and saw Bucky’s face.

            “Buck…you okay?” Steve asked.

            “It’s happening sometime either tonight or tomorrow morning,” Bucky whispered, looking like he’d seen a ghost.

            “ _Shit_ ,” Steve swore. “Well, I guess it’s a good thing I’m going in then so that – ”

            “You _can’t_ go in Steve,” Bucky said, voice breaking.

            “Buck, I have to, I can’t just call out on Christmas,” Steve replied.

            “Please Steve. I have a really bad feeling about this.”         

            “I’m not going to leave the hospital short-staffed, Bucky. I know we’re here to do a mission but I still have a job on top of that,” Steve said, clenching his jaw, temper rising.

            Bucky huffed in frustration, “You leaving the hospital short staffed is a lot less worse than you going to work and getting kidnapped by some _psychopath_ or maybe even killed!”

            “I’ll be _fine_ , Bucky. They don’t even know who I am, and besides maybe if I’m there I can stop them before they even take anyone.”

            “They know Steve. They have to know. Why do you think Rumlow was being so chummy the other night? Pierce was staring you down as we left, _they know._ ”

            “Bucky, I’m going to work. I can take care of myself,” Steve said, steeling his voice.

            “ _No you can’t_! Not this time! You always think you can do all these things alone Steve but you _can’t_ ” Bucky shouted back, then flinched when he realized what he’d just said.

            “Regardless of how incapable you obviously think I am, I’m going to go do my job as a nurse at the hospital. If something happens related to my other job while I’m there, then I’ll deal with it _if_ it happens. I’ll see you later, Bucky,” Steve finished icily before heading out of the apartment, ignoring Bucky’s protests, and slamming the door.

            As soon as he’d closed the door, he let out a shaky breath. Everything inside him was screaming _wrong wrong wrong, go back and fix it, you never fight with Bucky this is_ wrong. But Steve had his pride, and he also had work. He’d patch things up with Bucky later.

            “Merry Christmas and may I say, damn, man you look like shit,” Sam said as he walked into the break room while Steve was clocking in.

            Steve sighed and rubbed a hand over his face, “got in a fight with Bucky.”

            “On Christmas? Yikes man, that’s tough. You two will be okay though, I’m sure of it. Just cool off for the next twelve hours and make sure you talk it out when you get home.”

            “I know. We just don’t ever fight. I mean we bicker and we can argue, but we don’t yell at each other like we just did,” Steve said wearily.

            “I can tell, otherwise you wouldn’t be in knots about it,” Sam consoled. “What was it about if you don’t mind me asking?”

            “Just…old wounds you know? Something we shouldn’t be fighting about but, y’know how it goes.”

            “That I do, buddy,” Sam agreed, gripping Steve’s shoulder in comfort. “Here, let’s go sit at the nurses station and eat candy canes until it’s time to do our first rounds and have an overall good shift, alright?” 

            Their shift passed in a normal, albeit slow, manner.  Holidays were either crazy insane or slow, but today was somewhere in between. They were kept busy but weren’t stressed or stretched. It was a nice change of pace. There were a few other nurses working the shift with them, too they weren’t strapped, either. Nothing was looking weird or suspicious, and he hadn’t caught wind of Pierce.

            Around two a.m., Sam asked, “You good if I take my break?” Steve waved him off, more than good at the moment. Rumlow was doing one of his security rounds, and he waved at both of them as Sam headed back into the break room.

            A couple minutes after Sam had left, Sam’s patient in room 10 pressed their call button for help. Steve checked the chart on his computer, 84 year old female in with pneumonia – fairly common this time of year – and headed over to the room.

            “Can I help you with something?” Steve asked politely.

            “Yes, dear,” the woman said. “May I have a warm blanket please?”

            “No problem,” Steve grinned at her. “I’ll get that right away.

            Steve headed over to the temp-controlled warmer to grab a blanket and returned to her room quickly. He tucked the blanket around her just so and made sure she didn’t need anything else before leaving her room.

            Per protocol, he was using the hand sanitizer dispenser on the outside of the door when he felt a weird prick on the back of his neck.

            Before he could turn around, or even really comprehend what was going on, his vision was swimming and felt like he was falling.

            And then the world went black.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehe sorry for that dramatic ending :))) but hey at least they finally did it! 
> 
> I want to get the next chapter up before the new year....i will try but i'm either busy af around the holidays or have plenty of free time. we shall see!  
> like i said, probably only two more chapters and we're done!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO  
> 1\. Pls still love me even though this took SO LONG. University took over my life so there was no writing free time  
> 2\. Please note the new tags!! Nothing too graphic happens in this chapter and like tagged it's all canon-typical but things get pretty serious/darker than the rest of the fic in this chapter so just be forewarned.
> 
> One more chapter!! it'll more likely be a shorter chapter/epilogue-esque thing to tie all the loose ends together/give you that happy ending the tags are promising. come kick my ass if i take too long to update again i'm serious

            Bucky’s phone started screaming like an emergency siren, which could only mean one thing.

            Steve was in trouble.

            Bucky immediately shot up from where he’d been lounging on the couch, going to check the feeds on the computer.

            The feeds immediately pinpointed Steve, thanks to Stark’s technology. He was being carried off by Rumlow and Rollins…towards the basement.

            _Fuck._

Before he could use his phone to call in for backup, it was ringing.

            “They’ve got him,” he said breathlessly into the receiver.

            “We know,” It was Natasha’s calm, steady voice. “Backup is coming. We need you to go in first. Pose as a visitor for your husband on his late Christmas shift. Sharon will come in after you. Rhodes and his team will be there soon.”

            “Got it.”

            Bucky hung up, no time to spare. He moved quickly to the safe in the main room’s coat closet, pulling out more handguns than necessary as well as an array of knives. He made sure all the weapons were nice and hidden before going to the kitchen and shoving some leftovers into a brown bag. His alibi for visiting Steve.

            Sharon was outside his door by the time he left.

            “Let’s go,” was all she said as they headed out of the apartment complex.

            They took the truck. Bucky was thankful for the lack of traffic and red lights, but it took every ounce of his self control not to floor it and push 90 mph all the way to the hospital. It was a very short drive – Steve could walk to work in no more than 15 minutes – but it felt like ages.

            He parked, threw the keys the Sharon and grabbed the brown bag.

            Sharon headed the opposite way, around back to the staff entrance. No one would question her appearance on the surveillance cameras.

            Bucky walked through the main emergency entrance, relieved to see Shara at the intake desk. He’d gotten to know her over at Erskine’s on thanksgiving and so she knew exactly who he was here for. She beamed when she caught sight of Bucky and he tried his hardest to give her a believable smile back.

            “Merry Christmas Mr. Barnes-Rogers! Is that for Steve?”

            “Merry Christmas to you too Shara, and yes. Just trying to bring him a little Christmas spirit while he’s busy saving lives.”

            “Heavens above you two are the cutest,” Shara beamed, then pressed the buttons to open the emergency room doors.

            As soon as the doors were closed behind Bucky, he took took an immediate right down the hall he knew lead to the basement door.

            Sharon told him she’d meet him at the door, as it required badge access to get into the basement. After waiting exactly 3 minutes and 42 seconds, Bucky was starting to get anxious when Sharon wasn’t showing up. He knew he should probably just stand there and wait – but Bucky wasn’t really a “stand there and wait” kinda guy. There had to be another way.

            “Sam,” he whispered to himself in sudden realization.

            He immediately headed back to the main nurse’s station in the emergency room.

            “Is Sam Wilson here?” Bucky asked the two women charting on their computers at the station.

            “Yes,” The dark haired one replied, “he’s in the break room.”

            “Thanks,” Bucky said quickly before speeding away, not caring for the suspicious glances the women sent his way.

            Sam was, blessedly, alone in the break room. He looked confused when he saw Bucky.

            “Steve should be around here somewhere –“ He began but Bucky cut him off.

            “I need your help,” He said desperately.

            Several thoughts and emotions passed clearly over Sam’s face before he asked, “They have him don’t they.”

            Before Bucky could even answer Sam was up and passing by Bucky who immediately turned to follow.

            “How did you know?” Bucky asked. He was sure Sam didn’t know about the serum, so maybe just about the experiments?

            “Rhodes is an old friend. Warned me months ago that some weird shit might be going on and to keep an eye out. I didn’t like the way Rumlow and Rollins have been looking at Steve the past few weeks,” Sam continued as they approached the basement door.

            “Did you know we were undercover? Was it that obvious?” Bucky asked.

            “Wasn’t that obvious,” Same shrugged as he used his ID badge to unlock the basement door. “I’m just that good. You got an extra gun on you?”

            Bucky paused, “listen, you got me in. This is far enough. I don’t expect you to go in there with me.”

            “Listen, man,” Sam said holding out a hand. “Steve’s my friend, too. And what these bastards are doing here ain’t right. I’m going in with you.”

            Bucky couldn’t argue with that logic, so he pulled one of the extra handguns from around his ankle and gave it to Sam.

            “Won’t you get fired for this or something?” Bucky asked.

            “Eh, we’ll deal with that after this mess is sorted out.”

            Movement from around the hallway corner drew both their eyes. Bucky was prepared to shoot until he realized it was a familiar blonde figure. Bucky motioned for her to follow and they all made their way through the door.

            “Got held up,” Sharon explained, following them through the basement door onto the small landing on the other side. They were in what seemed to be a brightly lit stairwell leading down into the basement.

            When Bucky looked back at her and raised an eyebrow, Sharon continued.

            “Zola. I took care of him, don’t worry about it. He’s tied up in his office waiting for the rest of our friends to get here.”   

            “I can respect that,” Sam said. “We know where we’re going?” He asked Bucky as they made their way down the stairs.

            “Mostly, I memorized the layout of the hospital, though who knows what changes they’ve made to it,” Bucky said.

            “We have a plan of attack?” Sharon asked. They were at the bottom of the stairwell now, in front of a door that seemingly lead to the basement. Bucky paused before opening it.

            “Yeah, I have a plan. Kick their asses, get Steve the hell away from these psychos, and hope our backup gets here sooner than later.”

            Without further ado, Bucky turned the – unlocked – knob on the door and made his way into the hospital’s basement.

 

* * *

 

            Everything was hazy.

            Steve could hear his own breathing, as well as his heartbeat. Could hear something dripping, something beeping. He took a deep breath and groaned. Something in his side ached, and Steve guess either bruised or broken ribs. He was restrained to what seemed like a steel operating table at his wrists, biceps, thighs, ankles and across his body. The restraints were some kind of metal. Reinforced. Made for him.

            Steve looked down his body and breathed a sigh of relief. He was still wearing his scrubs. Which meant a few things. Bucky was on his way. Steve knew that in his heart. And if Bucky was on his way, that meant so was backup. Nat, Tony, Rhodey. They’d come for him. And if he was wearing his scrubs, that meant that this was all recorded.

            It meant that even if he didn’t make it out alive, they’d catch the people responsible.

            “Oh good, you’re awake,” The voice was vaguely familiar, but Steve already knew who it was.

            Pierce stepped into the light over the operating table.

            “How about we skip the pleasantries part of your villainous monologue and you tell me why the hell you have me strapped to a table,” Steve said. He tried to make it sound stong and unafraid, but his body was weak and his voice mirrored that.

            “We both know why you’re here, Steven Grant Rogers,” Pierce said, circling the table like a predator to prey. “We have been searching for years for the individual that Erskine used his miracle serum on. Your director at SHIELD did quite the job of disposing of any and all information regarding the procedure. Usually things can be retraced or brought back but Fury is good.

            “Apparently, Fury is not good enough to consider the consequences of dropping that very person he worked so hard to protect _right_ into our laps.”

            “Yeah, yeah, I get it. I’m here now,” Steve said. He needed to keep Pierce talking. To keep him from doing whatever he’d planned on doing for as long as possible -  until Bucky and backup got there. He needed to keep Pierce talking to get as much information out of him so they could convict him. “What the hell do you want with Erskine’s serum?”

            Pierce laughed. It gave Steve goosebumps.

            “To use it in ways Erskine was never brave enough to. I know the things you can do, Mr. Rogers. The things your body can do, can heal from. Erskine could’ve bottled the serum and given it to our government made an _army_ of men like you.” Pierce’s voice was deadly calm. “But instead he used it to heal a sickly boy and was scared when he got the results he knew he would get.

            “I oversee an organization called HYDRA, Mr. Rogers. We plan to use the information from your body in order to create a new serum. A better serum. I will be the one to bring it to fruition. Zola was just my lackey. I have always been the grand architect of making this serum.”

            Steve fought the urge to roll his eyes. This guy had no idea how ridiculous and pretentious he sounded. “And who gets the rights to this serum of yours?”

            “HYDRA first of course. I will create a force of men like you who will bring order back to this country, and eventually the world. And once we’ve mastered it…well, we’ll sell the information. To the highest bidder.”

            “Order? That sounds a lot like terrorism to me.” Steve spat.

            “Depends from what side you view it from. HYDRA aims for peace through order. We will eliminate anyone we deem a threat to that order.” Pierce explained, still calm.

            “How did you realize it was me anyway?” Steve asked, desperate to keep this going.

            “To be honest, we weren’t sure until Rumlow drugged you only just minutes ago. That drug would’ve killed any other man. But not you. It's made from a sort of...antithesis of the serum. Kind of like your kryptonite I suppose. Rumlow had the bartender slip it into the Schnapps he bought you at the Christmas party. How else do you think you got tipsy with your metabolism?"

            Steve groaned. How had he been so _stupid_? He should've been more vigilant. 

           “Your blood sample the hospital took at the beginning of your employment was what alerted me to the fact that it might be you," Pierce continued. "The lab workers who tested it for drugs and all that commented on how they’d never seen such a healthy blood sample. We got one of our people who works in the lab to get the sample to Zola who confirmed. Your red blood cells are too perfect. There are no abnormalities in them, something that is almost unheard of in humans. Your white blood cell count is beyond amazing."

 

           Pierce turned to the surgical table and Steve saw him pick something up.

           A surgical drill.

           Steve panicked immediately, mind flashing back to an earlier conversation with Bucky.

           “It’s not your blood that will give us the answers we need though.”

           Steve fought against the restraints, knowing it was futile.

           “Please,” He said. “You don’t have to do this.”

           “Your bone marrow is what we need,” Pierce said as he turned on the drill.

 

 

* * *

 

 

            The first room was all storage, but Bucky knew there was another door on the far left side of the room. He made his way through the shelves, Sharon and Sam hot on his heels.

            They reached the other door that must’ve led to the more _classified_ part of the basement. Bucky went to open it –

            “Shit, it’s locked,” He cursed, frustrated. How were they going to get in? They could maybe shoot the lock off, but it really just depended on the kind of lock it was and – 

            Sharon held up Zola’s hospital badge.

            “Managed to snag this after he accosted me when I came in the surgery staff entrance,” She shrugged.

            “Beautiful and smart, what would we do without you?” Bucky quipped, thankful and relieved.

            “Probably crash and burn,” Sharon shot back with a grin.

            She passed over the badge and Bucky unlocked the door opening it slowly.

            The room was not much more than a hallway and mostly empty, a few crash carts littered here and there. Bucky didn’t even want to wonder what was in them.

            Rollins, Rumlow, and two other men Bucky didn’t recognize were on the other end of the hallway. They looked both shocked and outraged when Bucky entered the room followed by Sam and Sharon. Bucky had his gun up before anyone else, aimed at Rumlow’s head. He knew when he’d seen them over the feeds and at the Christmas party that Rumlow ran the show when it came to the cronies.

            It looked like Rumlow was about to say something, but then distinctly Bucky heard the sound of a drill.

            And then Steve’s screams.

            Rumlow smirked, and tilted his head to the side as if to say, _your move, Barnes._

            All other thoughts left Bucky’s head – minus the fact that he needed to get to Steve _now._

            He started charging towards the doors, knowing he could shoot all four men down in seconds before they even had a chance to fire. He’d done it before. He could do it again.

            Something on Sharon beeped.

            “Rhodey’s here with backup,” Sharon said, and those words cleared Bucky’s head.

            Now with his head far clearer, Bucky shot the two spares in the thigh – sending them down. They’d need as many of Pierces monkey’s alive in order to collect evidence and have witnesses and people to testify.

            Steve screamed again on the other side of the door as Rollins and Rumlow charged them. Sharon and Sam went to intercept them and Bucky ran between to the now unguarded door.

            “Go get Steve and deal with Pierce. We’ll hold these guys off in the meantime,” Sam yelled as he ducked a punch from Rumlow.  “ _Go_!”

            “Even if you stop us here today, HYDRA live on!” Rumlow bellowed after Bucky as he made a beeline for the other door. “Cut off one head another two will grow back in it’s place”

            The last thing Bucky heard as he unlocked the door and slipped through was Sam say, “Man, shut the hell up.”

 

* * *

 

 

            The room was dark. The pain had stopped shortly after Pierce had heard twin gunshots.

            And now light was streaming into the room.

            Light surrounding Bucky.

His guardian angel.

            Bucky had a gun aimed at Pierce. Pierce looked shocked. Shocked that anyone knew he was here, that anyone had come for him.

            Bucky would always come back for him.

            They were talking, but Steve couldn’t make it out through the pounding in his ears. He knew he’d lost more blood in the short time period that Pierce had him here than even his super healing could catch up with.

            His vision started to blur out as Bucky grabbed Pierce by the suit jacket, pressing the gun against his temple. The door was still open and Steve heard commotion in the hallway outside. More gunshots.

            More voices. Lots of voices.

            Rhodey was in the doorway. Then Natasha and Clint. Backup.

            Steve distantly saw as Rhodey cuffed Pierce and watched him and Clint manhandle Pierce out.

            Natasha murmured something to Bucky, gently rubbing a hand across his tense shoulders before following Clint and Rhodey out.

            Bucky seemed to take a breath.

            “Buck,” Steve croaked, and he knew how quiet and broken it sounded in the now nearly empty room.

            Bucky lurched out of whatever headspace he’d been in, grabbing something off the metal tray were Pierce had kept his tools. He pressed it and the restraints holding Steve captive unlocked.

            Bucky looked at Steve’s thighs, where Pierce had gotten he marrow from and swallowed. He looked sick.

            Steve was finding it harder to stay awake.

            “Buck,” he said again, attempting to reach out. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt this weak.

            Bucky was at his side. Steve was finding it harder and harder to keep his eyes open.

            “Stevie,” Bucky rasped. “Oh Stevie, baby. What has he done to you. I’m so sorry. So sorry.”

            “It’s okay,” Steve assured him even as he nodded off. Even as Bucky moved him from the table to carry him in his arms. “It’s okay.”

  

* * *

 

 

            Steve was in a hospital somewhere. And it’s not the one he’d been working at the past few months. He flexed and then called up his fingers testing his movement. It seemed his wedding bad was gone. He couldn't remember if it was still on when he was in the basement with Pierce or not.  

            A song was playing softly from someone’s phone. Steve blinked blearily and looked to his left to see Sam sitting in the chair next to Steve’s hospital bed.

            “Sam?” He asked, voice obviously disused.

            Sam startled from where he’d been reading a book.

            “Steve,” he whispered, sounding relieved. “Hey buddy. How’re you feeling?”

            “Shitty,” Steve answered honestly. “How...did you know all along?”

            “Rhodes is an old friend. He let me know something freaky was going on and to be on my guard. I don’t know much else except that they took you and Bucky showed up looking like a madman and I couldn’t not help. I’m in New York to help testify and for the trial.

“Got the reader’s digest version of why Pierce wanted you. A handful of people know now that Pierce admitted to it and the devices on your scrubs recorded the audio. Erskine, Fury and SHIELD are trying to keep that list need to know. I hope you don’t mind me knowing, Mr. SuperSerum.”

            Steve groaned, but smiled. “’’Course not. And sorry about lying to you and all that stuff I – ”

            “Hey. No need to explain. I understand completely. I just hope we can all stay friends after this.”

            “Of course,” Steve said softly. “What all happened? Last I remember I was strapped to a table while some psychopath drilled into my thighs.”

            Sam winced at his candor and set his book down.

“The cavalry arrived. We arrested Pierce, Zola and all their goons. Unfortunately, the hospital’s a little understaffed now as they had moles in nearly every department. Bucky carried you out of there – mind you, you were half dead. They stabilized you in the DC ER, put you into an induced coma then sent you on a quinjet back here to New York. Whatever they injected you with screwed with your healing for a bit there. Hence the induced coma.”

            “Shit,” Steve muttered. “What day is it?”

            “The 28th. So you haven’t been out too long but…still. Bucky moved all your stuff out of the apartment.”

            “Where is he?” Steve asked, trying to sound nonchalant.

            Sam didn’t buy it.

            “SHIELD’s a mess right now. Pierce and the rest of them are all on trial, but there should be a verdict within the week. Thanks to all Stark’s technology you all got the evidence you need to prove it beyond a reasonable doubt. He's facing double life sentences. No parole. Bucky unfortunately got pulled in to help deal with all the shit. Even though he did sit with you until they pretty much had to physically drag him away that first night.”

            Steve breathed a sigh of relief. It was over. And he played his part.

            “Erskine’s gonna want to know you’re awake,” Sam said after a moment. “And I think your scary friend, Natasha, is here somewhere too.”

            “Thank you, Sam,” Steve said as Sam got up to leave the room. “For everything.”

            “Don’t mention it,” Sam said, waving him off. “Just promise me two things.”

            “Anything.”

            “One, keep in touch. Call me, text me, come visit Riley and me in DC,” Sam started.                    “Can do,” Steve nodded. “And two.”

            “When you finally marry Bucky for real, Riley and I better get an invite,” Sam said with a wink.

            Steve couldn’t do much but sputter after Sam as he left the room, looking a little too smug.  

            Erskine came in, trailed by Natasha who lingered in the open door. Erskine took the seat previously taken by Sam and reached out for Steve’s hands, Steve obliged him.

            “I am truly sorry for what you’ve had to go through for the sake of all of this,” Erskine said quietly. “Sometimes I think, had I known the repercussions, would I have ever even created the serum? Then I consider the boy that it saved and the countless others it could have if this world was not such a dark place.”

            Steve wasn’t quite sure what to say, so he just squeezed Erskine’s hands.

            “Thank you for all you’ve done to keep these secrets safe, Steven,” Erskine continued. “We’re going to try harder, do better this time around to keep this information, and by extension you, safe. I’m sorry that you had to pay the price but it only proves to me that you are still the same good man you’ve always been.

            “I have to go back to DC this evening, but please my son – don’t become a stranger. Come down for thanksgiving again next year or something of the like.”

            “I think I can do that,” Steve said, smiling.

            “Good. Bring James with you. He was quite the hit this time around,” Erskine said, patting Steve gently on the arm. Steve huffed as Erskine rose to stand. The people in his life weren’t very subtle.

            Erskine said his goodbyes and Nat took his place in the visitor’s chair.

            “You gonna hint at the fact that Bucky and I need to get our shit together too?” Steve asked, only a little petulantly.

            Natasha laughed in that quiet way of hers. “Not quite, even if I do agree with them.”

            Steve rolled his eyes but Natasha only shrugged and continued.

            “His stuff was all moved to Stark’s while you guys were on mission because his apartment got finished. I think Stark was just trying to be helpful but I think you two need a to talk about some things and Bucky not living with you is just going to make it easier for you two to be the stubborn assholes I know and love.”

            Huffing Steve settled down into the blankets.

            “When can you break me out of here?” He asked, rerouting the conversation.

            Natasha eyed him like she knew exactly what was going on but just sighed and answered. “Tomorrow morning, first thing. They want to keep you for overnight observation. Your legs are healed but they want to make sure everything’s good to go, just in case. I’ll pick you up tomorrow if that sounds good to you.”

            “Damn, I was hoping you would spring me today. Sneak me out.”

            Nat sent him a conspiratorial grin but shook her head.

            “No way, man. The nurses were adamant about you staying and well, you of all people know how scary nurses can be.”

            She winked as she grabbed the remote off of Steve’s bedside table, turning the TV on.

            “So whaddya say, should we watch the trial or crappy TV?”

            They shared a look before Steve nodded as they said in unison, “Crappy TV.”

 

* * *

 

            Steve left as early as possible the next morning, Natasha driving him home. She bullied him on the drive home to promise to attend Stark’s New Years Eve party that Thursday before dropping him off at his place in Brooklyn, affectionately ruffling his hair.

            Steve took the steps up to his apartment slowly. Between rooming together and living with Bucky for the mission, Steve wasn’t quite sure he knew how to live alone anymore. Or more specifically live without Bucky.

            It felt weird to open his door and come home. Living in this apartment felt like a lifetime ago. It was a little sparser now, especially without Bucky’s stuff all around the place.

            There was a cluster of cards, flowers, fruit baskets, and God knew what else on his coffee table – all saying some sort of version of “Get Well Soon.”

            There was note on the table – in Bucky’s handwriting, and Steve couldn’t help the way his heartrate picked up with hop when he saw it.

 

            _Stevie –_

 _Made you enough food for a few weeks as I know you’ll miss my cooking – you’ll find some in the fridge and the rest in the freezer. I hope you’re doing well._ _I’m sorry I didn’t get a chance to stop by the hospital during visiting hours today, I’ve been held captive by the trial and work. I’ve missed you these past few days but my place at Stark’s is nice I supposed and I’m finally out of your hair. Let me know when you’re feeling better so we can meet up or something. There’s a lot we need to talk about, starting with me givin you shit for nearly getting yourself killed and ending with… well that’s up to you. If anything, come find me at Stark’s Thursday._

            _You’re still a punk._

_\- Buck_

 

Steve felt the familiar pang of affection that usually accompanied anything and everything Bucky. They had a lot they needed to talk about. The fight, and what went down after at the hospital, as well as the things that happened while on the mission. Steve didn’t – couldn’t – want to go back to the way things were before now that he’d had Bucky. They had a lot of shit to work on sure, but they’d been through hell and back and they could get through this, too.  

Steve was done with the cat and mouse game and the misunderstandings and miscommunication. They were going to work this out – once and for all.

Now all Steve had to do was find a suit for the party that he looked too good for Bucky to resist him in.  


	6. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> here's that happy ending i promised you :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a happy lil epilogue to wrap things up. 
> 
> a HUGE thank you to all of you who've stuck through and left me lovely, lovely comments ever since the first chapter. you guys keep me going and I read everything you leave me!! I hope you all enjoyed reading this story as much as I've enjoyed writing it.
> 
> if you're tuning in after it's been completed - thanks for reading this far, I hope you've enjoyed it too!

            Bucky had chosen his all-black suit for Stark’s New Years Eve party. He had to admit, it made him look _really_ good and well, he wanted Steve to see him and want him tonight.

            He’d pretty much stress-cooked the few days that Steve was out, so he froze most of it and snuck by Steve’s apartment one last time to make sure he’d have plenty of food once he was released from the hospital. He didn’t want to leave Steve’s apartment after he’d put all the food away. But he’d imposed for so long already and was all moved in to Stark's. Besides, he wasn’t quite sure what ground the two of them stood on anymore.

            The last time Bucky had checked on Steve in the hospital the nurses said that thanks to the serum he was pretty much fully recovered. Fury had basically forbidden Bucky from going back to see Steve in the hospital, claimed he didn’t need Bucky “distracted” while the cleaned up the aftermath. Bucky understood, he was pretty sure if they let him back into that hospital he wouldn’t have left Steve’s side until he woke up.

            But there was a trial to be a witness in, and loose ends to tie up. They’d also had to track down Sitwell who had fled the night of the attack. It wasn’t hard and Sitwell had gone on trial along with Zola and the rest within the week. Pierce and his asshole cronies were all locked up now, so it had been worth it. Convictions normally took a hell of a lot longer but with the evidence they had…well there was barely even a need for a trial.

           Still, he was honestly still a little upset that he wasn’t there when Steve woke up, but it also could’ve been too much too soon for Steve. So Bucky was keeping his distance, giving Steve the space he needed to compartmentalize everything that had happened on and due to their mission.

           Bucky was trying to give him space to make sure that this – them – was what Steve really wanted. He hoped it was, of course but…things were different when they were on their mission. It was like another world, an alternate universe. He knew what he wanted, but he wasn’t so sure if Steve did.

            And their fight…Bucky cringed when he thought about it, thinking of all the things he should’ve said to keep it from even happening. All the things he _shouldn't_ have said when it came down to it. 

            He pushed it to the back of his mind as he sipped from a chute of champagne. The swanky floor Stark had built for parties in the tower was already busy and buzzing with people all dressed in their finery. The champagne helped ease his nerves, but he didn’t want to drink too much. He wanted to be sober and clear headed when Steve got there. _If_ Steve got there.

            He’d be there, Bucky reassured himself. Nat had said she had made Steve promise and Tony had told Bucky that Steve had RSVP’d just the other day.

            Bucky couldn’t help but be a little anxious though, he was banking on this night to be able to talk to Steve and hash things out. He’d left the note, but hadn’t heard from Steve in the two days between his hospital release.

            Bucky shouldn’t have worried though. It seemed like moments later he felt a prickle at the back of his neck, felt someone’s eyes on him.

 

* * *

 

            “You remember what I told you at the beginning of this?” Bucky asked him as Steve approached. Bucky smirked at him, but there was silver lining his eyes. It was the first time they’d seen each other since the basement. Steve wanted to pull Bucky into his arms and never let him go.

            “No, but I’m sure you’re gonna tell me,” Steve said, trying to keep his voice light and sassy.

            “I specifically remember telling you,” Bucky was stepping closer, up into Steve’s space. His voice betraying his calm mask. “That I was gonna kick your ass if I found you strapped to some table somewhere with some psycho drillin’ into your legs.”

            Steve’s breath caught as Bucky pulled him into a tight hug.

            “I’m sorry, Buck. I’m sorry,” Steve said, hugging Bucky back with repeated “sorry’s”.

            Bucky pulled away and looked at Steve, his eyes definitely a little wet. It was fine, so were Steve’s.  

            “Don’t think I’m not going to still kick your ass at some point,” Bucky said, thickly. “But not tonight, I mean you did just get out of the hospital and it is New Years Eve.”

            Steve smiled at him softly.

            “I’m sorry too, by the way,” Bucky continued, not quite meeting Steve’s eyes. “I should’ve been there for you when you woke up in the hospital. Fury wouldn’t…he wouldn’t let me see you. He knew I was already off my game and he thought had he let me sit with you in that hospital that I wouldn’t have left until you were awake.”

            “Buck, you don’t have to apologize for that,” Steve said gently.

            “Maybe not,” Bucky shrugged. “But there are other things I should probably apologize for. Like Christmas.”

            “Bucky there’s a lot of things we need to talk about okay? But it’s a holiday party. I don’t want to bring down the mood it can wait until tomorrow if necessary.”

            “No it really can’t,” Bucky said softly. “Listen, I live a few floors up. I wanted to show you my place anyway. Let’s go up there to talk. It’ll be quieter.”

            Bucky’s apartment was large and spacious and modern and had a touch of luxury that only came from Stark. The living room had a wall of floor to ceiling windows that overlooked a breathtaking view of the city. Steve could even see the lights of the Brooklyn Bridge from here.

            “It felt weird, leaving your apartment without you there to say goodbye to,” Bucky admitted. “I wasn’t sure if you’d want to see me after everything that was said that night before shit hit the fan.”

            “ _Buck_ ,” Steve exhaled. “Of course I did. It was a fight and it was a stupid one and I know you were panicked and that’s why you said the things you did and got so overly defensive of me. I mean, I hate to say this but you _were_ kinda right.”

            “The only time I wish I wasn’t right, if we’re being honest,” Bucky muttered. “Still, I wanted to clear the air and I wanted to apologize either way. I’m sorry for freaking out and overreacting. And I’m sorry for letting my fear get the best of me and for saying those awful things to you.”

            “I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have stormed out like that. I had planned on calling you on my break and apologizing and talking things out,” Steve explained, “but we all know how that went.”

            Bucky didn’t seem to find that very funny.

            “Sorry, Buck, I thought that would make you laugh.”

            “It’s going to be a touchy subject for a while. I’m still not over almost losing you,” Bucky said tightly. “You weren’t the one who had to find you strapped down and bleeding out like that. Steve, _god_ please don’t ever do that to me again.”

            Steve felt his heart clench in his chest as he went to cup Bucky’s cheeks.

            “Hey, hey, Bucky, shh it’s okay,” Steve comforted. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I was serious though when I told you in DC that I wouldn’t mind going back to working as a nurse. With what happened on Christmas, I know Fury’s gonna give us a break and keep us away from any hands on work for a while. You’re not going to have to go through that again Buck. I promise.”

            Steve trailed his thumbs lightly along Bucky’s cheekbones and moved in closer, but Bucky stopped him before he could lean in for a kiss.

            “I know – I hope I know – where this is going,” Bucky said. “I mean, as far as physical-wise. But…what about us. Before, in DC, we did a lot of not talking about what we were but we had a lot of sex and said a lot of ‘I love you’s’ and I just want to know where that leaves us.”

            “Well I’d like to date you,” Steve said, matter-of-factly. “And then if that goes nicely, I’d like to maybe, I dunno, spend the rest of my life with you. But we can play it by ear.”

            Bucky grinned at him for that and yanked him in for a kiss by his tie.

            Before Steve knew it, they were on Bucky’s huge, new bed – completely naked, party downstairs forgotten.

            Steve was on all fours, with Bucky trailing kisses down his back. Once Bucky got to where he was focused on, he spread Steve’s cheeks, burying his face in between them. And good lord was Bucky good at that. Between his mouth and his fingers, it wasn’t until Bucky basically had Steve sobbing into the sheets that he finally slipped inside him. This sex was a lot more intense than the sex they’d had in DC. It was the heightened, passionate, _holy shit you almost died_ life-affirming kind of sex. Steve was sure that did he not have a healing factor there’d be an array of bruises – both hickeys and hand-marks – along his neck, shoulders and back the next morning. He mourned the fact that by sunrise, Bucky’s marks would be gone. But Bucky himself wouldn’t be gone, and that was all that mattered.

            Steve came first, nearly crying in relief when he did, half on his hands, half on the sheets. It wasn’t long before Bucky was following him over the edge, biting into the meat of Steve’s shoulder and thrusting once, twice before grunting and shaking apart on top of sleep.

            Other than tossing the condom in the general direction of the trashcan, they didn’t much fuss with cleaning themselves up. Steve knew he’d regret it in the morning, but he’d seen Bucky’s huge shower with multiple showerheads. It wouldn’t be too much of a chore to deal with it then. Besides, Bucky was warm along Steve’s back so really nothing short of a fire was getting Steve out of Bucky’s bed at this point.

            They both woke with a start when the fireworks started at midnight. Steve was genuinely embarrassed that he’d pretty much forgotten that it was New Years Eve the second they’d crossed the threshold into Bucky’s room.

            Bucky just lazily wrapped himself back around Steve, murmuring “ _Happy New Year.”_ Steve shifted minutely in Bucky’s grasp, turning his head so that their lips could meet in a languid kiss.

            “Happy New Year,” He repeated against Bucky’s lips.

  

* * *

 

 

            Bucky still wasn’t used to the amount of silent that streamed through the large – really _too_ large – windows in his new bedroom in the morning if he forgot to put down the blinds. Though something about that morning felt all too familiar.

            Probably because there was 200 pounds of blonde, naked muscle in his bed laying on his stomach and smiling dopily up at Bucky.

            “G’mornin’,” Steve said, voice muffled by the pillow.

            “Good morning,” Bucky said, running his fingers through Steve’s bedhead. “How’d you sleep?”

            “Pretty damn good if I do say so myself,” Steve said, grinning and rolling onto his back. The sheets pooled perfectly around his abdomen and it was really unfair that he looked that sinful this early. “So, whatsa guy gotta do to get his boyfriend to cook him breakfast on this beautiful New Years Day?”

            “Oh, I’m your boyfriend now? Even though you’ve yet to take me on a single date?” Bucky asked in mock annoyance.

            “Yeah,” Steve grinned up at him. “You’re my boyfriend now. And I’m taking you ice skating tonight at Rockefeller Center. Then we’re going to that steakhouse you like, where we’re gonn talk about our future together. Then we’re coming back here – since it’s closest – and making out like teenagers and probably banging like rabbits again. How does that sound, _boyfriend_?”

            “You sound like a man with a plan,” Bucky said, returning Steve’s grin.

            He ended up making Steve that breakfast, but it was okay because Steve upheld all his promises for their date that night. The circumstances that had lead them to where they were now weren’t ideal, but Bucky would never regret any of it.

Bucky didn’t think he’d ever get past the image of Steve on that table, the feel of carrying a half-dead Steve through the bowels of a hospital. He knew what happened in that basement was just more nightmares for the both of them.

            But it had lead them to each other, and these days when Bucky had nightmares he never had to deal with them alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can't believe this is over!  
> come visit me on [tumblr](http://ohbarnes.tumblr.com/) if you so wish


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